I feel embarrassed writing about this, but if you can’t be honest in your blog, where can you be, right? I’ve always had some workaholic symptoms, like many writers with full-time jobs, and I’ve written about work/life balance before. But in the past almost-three years, I became a full-blown workaholic.
Some people describe themselves this way as a brag. I don’t see it that way at all. I never thought I’d be this kind of person again. Workaholics willfully and frequently squander a day’s possibilities for joy.
To consider workaholism treatment, I first started thinking about what led me to be a workaholic. I was the sole full-time employee in a startup publishing company, leading to many late nights and weekends. My husband was abruptly laid off.
These things contributed toward a situation in which I was working almost all of the time, unless I was asleep—and I wasn’t sleeping that much, either. And then, even after I was through the first push, with our first books released into the world, that kind of grind became a habit. On the weekend, Mr. Donovan and I would go out and do one fun thing for a couple of hours. The rest of the time, on evenings and weekends, I worked on either my “day” job or my own creative pursuits. I enjoy the latter, but I was pushing myself too hard on them.
I knew that working all the time was making me unhappy, but for a long time, the solution that presented itself to me wasn’t “work less” but “work all the time and be happy all the time, damn it.”
But even more than the external factors, there were some underlying toxic beliefs that led me to be a workaholic.
Toxic beliefs are at the root of a lot of problems, and most of us have some of them. (Toxic beliefs about money are especially common. I know many people who would like more money, but also believe “being rich is bad,” which is obviously causes some unhappiness.)
Here are some of the toxic beliefs I’ve had about work, and the ones I’m trying to substitute instead.
1. Toxic belief: I can only be successful if I work all the time.
I actually think this belief has very deep roots for me. In my junior and senior year of high school, I worked 30+ hours a week at a library during the school year. I usually got home at 9:30 pm and did my homework until 1 am. I got up at 5 a.m., because I’d also taken a special early PE class so I could fit another activity into my school day.
This all helped me go to college. The admissions department was impressed that I’d gotten good grades while working so much and saving up for tuition, so I got a lot of gift aid. But it also instilled in me the idea that maybe working all the time was the only way to succeed—or even to survive.
New belief: I can be even more successful if I enjoy my life.
2. Toxic belief: Working all the time means I’m a good and valuable person.
This is such a messed-up idea, and I don’t apply it to anyone else—only myself.
It really is a pervasive belief in American culture and some other cultures, though. Media coverage of business figures usually praise them for working 70 hours or more a week instead of suggesting there’s something wrong with them. As writers, we’re even worse. “Danielle Steele writes 22 hours a day! She’s amazing!”
When employees think working long hours makes them good people, that’s terrific for CEOs and investors, but it’s not always great for the employees themselves.
Writers who try to execute a rapid release schedule sometimes burn out. When they base their egos on being people who can write fast, some of them even succumb to the temptation of plagiarism.
New belief: Being kind to others means I’m a good person, and I am intrinsically valuable.
3. Toxic belief: My health don’t matter.
Workaholics are notorious for neglecting their health. I haven’t had a regular workout schedule for three years. Even rise-and-grind executives hitting the Peloton bike or the crossfit gym at 5 a.m. are often pretending that getting five hours a sleep a night is just fine. (It’s not. It leads to increased chances of certain kinds of cancers, heart disease, obesity, type 2 diabetes, and dementia, per the John Hopkins website.)
Workaholics may be drinking so much coffee that they’re practically peeing French Roast. I once worked with an ad exec whose energy and focus astounded me. I would ask myself, What’s her secret? As it turned out: meth. She’d adopted a disastrous second addiction in the service of her primary addiction to work. I knew other people in advertising who’d alternate crunch times with weeks of drinking themselves into a stupor every night, an ill-advised method for coping with stress.
For a workaholic, good moods and good health are expendable resources. At the very least, they don’t need to be heeded until they’re in the danger zone, like when their phone gets the red line on the battery right before it runs completely out of juice.
New belief: My health is paramount.
These new beliefs aren’t comfortable to me at all. When I read them, part of me squints and says, “Really?” But new beliefs (and I put positive affirmations in this category) often elicit that reaction at first, and changing toxic beliefs is one of the best ways I know to changing one’s life.
I want to get back to the person I used to be, and I truly believe this is the year I do it.
Do you have the symptoms of a workaholic? Do you have suggestions for workaholism treatment? Do you have other types of toxic beliefs that hold you back? I’d love to hear about it in the comments section! Thanks for reading, and don’t work too hard this week! 🙂
I admire you for sharing your difficulties and developing these new beliefs about the importance of maintaining your physical and mental well-being! I don’t have any good suggestions to add…just sending good thoughts your way.
Aw Christina, I appreciate that! It’s hard to change habits but I know it’s important. Thanks for the good wishes. 🙂
First, thank you for sharing and being open about this topic! Second, as a child my father appeared as a workaholic to me, but looking back on it now, he was not. He worked his normal 40 hour work week and spent the rest of the time doing projects and adventures that he loved. But as a child I just saw him as “always busy.” I’m not a workaholic at my day job, but I am for sure as a writer. My desire to create amazing stories and make a name for myself is my highest priority. But I also have learned to notice symptoms and signs when I need to put my writing duties aside. I’m not always perfect, but I remind myself (which is the only advise I have) to pause and think about myself/my health so that I don’t end up with a negative outcome (sickness, crappy story, a sad dog because I didn’t pay attention to him). I do love your positive affirmations for new goals.
Hi Savanna! Yeah, it is such a fine line between following your passion and realizing when you’re getting burned out. I really do want to get better at thinking about my health. I’m always thinking I’m indestructible 😀 Thanks for the kind words!
I’m in the final week of a data science boot camp. It is intense, I’m under-performing (though passing) and with the 2 hour commute into the city and the two hour commute out of the city, plus the time I commit to homework and our upcoming capstone project (which I feel really behind on), plus the time I feel I need to give my wife to decompress about her day, plus the time I need to recover from the wear of my day, I have found myself regressing to the poor coping skills I had when I was an overworked project manager also working on second master’s degree years ago.
I’ve be neglecting exercise the last month, drinking coffee and soda like crazy (and getting no benefit from it), skipping major meals, and binging on junk. And I know better, as I took a special class on fitness and nutrition early last year and know full well what the better choices are. I was committed to living that healthier lifestyle, at the time. But when one’s stressed as I am the better choices aren’t so easy.
Lately I’m waking up after 7 or 8 hours sleep and feeling tired anyways. A few weeks ago I was getting as little as four or five hours of sleep a night, and once after napping on the bus home, I almost rode the thing all the way back into the city, as I missed my stop.
Recuperation has never been my strong suit, and being a person with a major depressive disorder and a sense of anhedonia along with it, it seems there’s little joy in the things I do to try and recover.
I have a very competent healthcare team that has been advising me over the years and I take medication regularly, but there’s no wonder drug for burn out. And honestly, I feel like I burnt out decades ago.
With the little time I have now, I’ve been exploring other strategies for recovery. I have a few leads, some good role models and resources and hopefully I’ll discover more when this final week of heaviness ends and I can devote more resources to recovery before I plow back into work life.
I’ll likely blog on anything big I find. Creativity will certainly play a role in my solution, as thankfully writing is one of the few things I still get some pleasure from (and I’ll continue to post my WIPs here).
Hopefully, I’ll be able to stumble upon a solution soon and truly recover to some degree.
Thanks again Bryn for offering such a great place to talk about issues like this as well as the writing craft.
Man, Chris, this sounds REALLY rough. I know just what you mean about falling back into unhealthy habits to cope. Burnout is tough and I’m sorry it’s been so hard. Of course, not feeling like you can enjoy anything is a classic sign of depression. I’m glad the writing is one thing that brings you pleasure. Hopefully you and I both can find some better balance.
Yep, I recognize all of the above. In my junior/senior years in high school I took advance placement high school classes, maintained my honor roll status, AND took college classes at a BIG10 university (thanks to conditional acceptance) while working 30+ hours a week. Sleep and fun were almost non-existent. It was a pattern I followed for too many years.
Hi Jo! Yeah, you know JUST what I’m talking about. It’s funny how that can become a habit you fall back into if you’re not careful!
Really wise words, filled with really wise insights.
Aww, thanks, Earl! It’s always nice to hear from you.
This is SO relatable. Every single part. I really upped my workaholism after I quit my financially secure job, had a health crisis with no health insurance, left my husband and I on one income, then moved to one of the most expensive cities in the US. My first job after all that, I became a machine putting all my time and energy into work, trying to compensate for everything that felt like my fault. Also, I was working for the person who raised me to be a workaholic and who I rarely saw at home growing up because she was always working. (It started so very early for me too.) The habit feels set in stone now. But your post inspired me to see myself more honestly and think about this through a different perspective. There is real joy that has nothing to do with productivity or achievement. And, I have value outside of how much I accomplish. Thank you for this.
CARO!!! <3 <3
It's easy to get into that panic mode. We've both been through a lot in the past few years, especially you! We need to take care of ourselves. 🙂 So nice to "see" you!
What an honest, helpful, inspiring way to help people detoxify. Thank you, Bryn. Amazing. ?????
Aww Bryan, thank you! I really appreciate it!
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