On Saturday I worked on my novel-in-progress for hours, and then we went to the beach. I’ve written about this before, but sometimes I have trouble taking a break and going to a park or the beach, and I’m always glad when I do it. Honestly, for me, connecting with nature is a key to happiness.
It’s easy for me to forget, though. Why is that?
Probably because in the hours I spend walking and driving in L.A., I never see billboards advertising the value of getting out in nature. In Studio City, it’s mostly advertisements for watching movies and TV.
Trees and the ocean don’t buy advertising space. Nobody made a buck off of us going to the beach—except an oil company, because we had to fill up with gas. Our next car will be hybrid or electric, which will limit their profits, too.
“Is That So?”
We’re bombarded with cultural narratives about happiness that are even more powerful than advertising. We get them from our families and friends as they talk about their lives or suggest what we should do with ours. We receive them from the happy endings of books and movies and celebratory scenes in the middle of them.
I think it’s good to be mindful of the messages we receive, from both advertising and the people around us—and to question them. Like this!
Weight loss gives a person a joyful life.
“Is that so? Because I know some miserable thin people. And actually, I can think of some overweight people with amazing lives.”
Alcohol makes a celebration festive.
“Is that so? Because I sometimes have a headache after a celebration that involves alcohol. One time, I actually threw up after a party with alcohol. Not festive! Plus, I enjoyed some fun birthdays and holidays as a kid, and I wasn’t sucking down craft beers like it was my job.”
Traveling makes a person happy and free.
“Is that so? Even if they go into credit card debt? When I think about the times I’ve felt happy and free, a lot of them took place right in my own town.”
Motherhood fulfills women.
“Is that so? All women? Even if they don’t want kids?”
A high paycheck means a man is successful.
“Is that so? So things like kindness and integrity are less important than raking in the cash? What about enjoying life? Does that play into success at all?”
Becoming a successful author makes a person happy.
“Is that so? Because I follow successful authors on social media, and a few of them seem really grouchy! Plus, I know some happy people who haven’t even written a short story, much less a best-selling novel. What’s that all about?”
Don’t get me wrong. I am all about goals. I honestly don’t know anyone who loves goals more than me. I want to lose weight, travel, and be a more successful author.
But by questioning some of the messages and cultural narratives out there, I can make better choices and live a happier life in the moment.
What Makes You Authentically Happy?
Separating what really makes us happy with what we’re told makes us happy is tricky, but worthwhile.
Exercise raises my spirits. Yeah, scientifically, it makes sense—endorphins, blah, blah, blah—but I’d prefer that something less strenuous, such as wasting time on the Internet, put me in a good mood. Doing the treadmill while listening to great music or watching old sitcoms especially cheers me up…which is about as basic as it gets. But so what?
Listening to happy music has a profound positive effect on my mood.
Doing something nice for someone or saying something nice to someone is an almost infallible way to make me feel good. As an example: an hour ago, I was having breakfast as a restaurant, and an actress at the next table was telling her friend about getting a callback to an audition. She seemed really nice, so before I left, I said to her, “Hey, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I hope you get the part. I’m sending good vibes your way.” She loved it, and I loved it.
And like I said, being out in nature always makes me happy.
There are more things that make me authentically, reliably happy. Being aware of what they are helps me have a better life.
Do you think you’re influenced by advertising or cultural narratives? Do you know of a few, or many, things that make you authentically happy? Let us know in the comments! Thanks for reading, and have a great week!
Hi! I love this post so much!! For starters, I like wine, but champagne, even a sip, gives me a migraine. And for “Traveling makes a person happy and free.” I see all these people loving their vacations (no one posts about their credit card bill) all over the world, and all I see is that they had to get on a plane and fly for hours. For me, my vacation photos would be in an RV. Now that’s a vacation 🙂 I love being out in nature too and it sounds like a wonderful weekend you had. I loved going to the beach as a child growing up in California. There is a sense of peace within the waves. For me, I’m authentically happy when I feel good about myself and my life. I feel that most often when I’m home with my dog. I have a lovely backyard, full of space for him to run around, for me to garden and sit and watch the trees dance in the wind. It’s when I’m most happy, and I love to take that energy and push it into my writing. I think I create my most powerful, meaningful stories that way. Thanks for sharing your weekend. I hope you have a great week ahead!
Hi Savannah! I had to smile at your writing about being on a plane…I have 3 business trips coming up in the next 3 weeks! Two to NYC. Luckily, I don’t mind flying…but there’s something truly wonderful about finding peace where you are. Thanks for posting!
Oh goodness, that is a lot of flying. Wishing you safe travels and hopefully some downtime on the flights.
This is beautiful, Bryn. Thank you for sharing it. We could all use a reminder that happiness comes from within and not from competition or consumerism. I’m a first time mother, so my happiness comes primarily from my little boy who has just turned one. Watching him learn to walk and talk brings me great joy. He inspires me to be better, and when I strive to be a better person I typically feel happier. That inspiration bleeds into my writing. Your posts are so helpful to remind your readers of their centers and why we write to begin with. Than you for your encouragement.
Robbie, that is so wonderful. I bet every day is a little different with a baby boy. I love this post. And thank you so much for the kind words!
Sitting in my motel room reading your post, Bryn. Thanks for the jump start on thinking about what makes me happy. I don’t travel well, but the reward is in seeing dear friends I haven’t seen in years, sitting beside my 4-year-old grandson in church and pointing to the words in the hymn book as we sang. Showing him that words we sing can also be written in letters. More to come. A college graduation to attend. Painting pictures with another grandson. People connections especially family brings me joy. I also love taking walks in my neighborhood with my writer friend and sharing our WIPs. That is the best way to get my creative juices flowing. As far as publishing – when I published my first book, I didn’t feel the over the moon excitement some people experience, but profound gratitude that I could share what I had written with others.
Hi, Jessie! Ohh, these sound like such amazing times. I love this post. I love your perspective on what it feels like to publish, too.
Great post. Really relevant as we write narratives for our characters as well as for ourselves. In my outline, I write out what makes my characters happy as part of their character development plan. At this point, my characters tend to love the same stuff as I do – nature, animals, dry humor, personal achievement, etc.. Once I expand my horizons I’ll have to think about looking at happiness from other perspectives. Always enjoy your posts. Keep up the good vibes.
Theresa, I didn’t even think about this in relation to storytelling, and you are absolutely right. Great point! Thanks for the kind words, and thanks for reading!
Great idea Theresa about asking characters what makes them happy – truly happy. It reveals a deeper level.
What a great wake up call! True happiness is found within ourselves and by connecting with nature. Like you, I find walking along the beach to have such a restorative effect. Nothing man made can equal that.
Hi, Naomi! There really isn’t anything like it. 🙂 Thank you so much for reading, and for commenting!
My husband and I were just talking about this subject over breakfast coffee on the front deck. We’ve come to the conclusion that we live a life many people don’t want: we’re intentionally “unemployed”, live in a tiny house in a remote mining town where it rains 8 months of the year, have four children in primary school, don’t drink/smoke/gamble/eat meat, and our closest family is thousands of miles away. Thing is, we’re utterly and completely happy. We’ve been married for over 16 years (have known each other for about 18 years) and are completely in love. We don’t have a mortgage and live on our modest investments, allowing us time to be with our kids and experience them growing up. My only gripe about the rain is that I wish it was snow in winter…but, hey, that’s Australia (and we get tons of rainbows!). We’re surrounded by the most glorious natural beauty anyone could ask for. There’s a place nearby called Trial Harbour; we visit it regularly, and there are many times we have that place all to ourselves. When we’re the only ones on the beach, it’s a humbling experience: of the 8 billion (or so) people on earth, that view and that moment belong to us alone. Tourists flood our corner of the world in summer to experience rugged nature and ancient landscape; we never have to leave. We have no malls, no fast-food chains, no cinemas, no multi-lane freeways, and getting to those things is at least a 2-hour drive. Our kids are healthy, happy, and generally safe; there are 60 children in their whole school, and they behave like a big family. We watch DVDs and stream movies/programs; we rarely watch commercial television. We find our spirituality in the natural world around us.
Sorry for the a massive ramble, but the bottom line is this: we’ve listened to our hearts and taken the unconventional path. There’s nothing “out there” that can give anyone the key to happiness. We truly DO have to listen to our hearts, even if that means being the odd one out for whatever reason.
Lisa! I think your life sounds fascinating. I love hearing about people who have taken less traditional paths. I’m a little jealous! Thank you for taking the time to share it with us. I really enjoyed this and it inspired me.
Lisa, I love rainbows too. When we moved to Portland OR our house faced east and west. I made a new friend whose house faced north nor south. Whenever I saw a rainbow I would give her a call so she could run outside to see it. I still think of her whenever I see one. Good memories.
Your home sounds like the perfect writer’s retreat. Lucky you to have a loving husband!
You have a great point Bryn. The world tells us all of these things we need to be happy, but we rarely stop and take stock of what does make us happy. For me, I love making a meal for someone and watching them enjoy it. I love to sit and crochet, and while I may not be good at it, I also enjoy painting. Those are all things I am working to do more of. I’ve learned I have to make myself a priority if I want my writing to be a success. Not doing so had cost me dearly in the mental health department, and it is almost impossible to create the way you want to when getting out of bed takes all your energy away.
Erin, you are so right—mental health is more important than anything we create. And if we take care of our mental health, we’re more likely to be productive in the long run, anyway. I’m always reminding myself of this! I’m glad you brought it up. Nice to see you 🙂 Hope you have a great week!
Bryn: Thank you for being brave enough to put yourself out there. You are one of the few truly authentic people I have met, and I’m old enough to have met a multitude. I found this article about authenticity I would like to share, with your permission
https://medium.com/personal-growth/the-5-key-ingredients-of-an-authentic-person-259914abf6d5.
On the subject of personal happiness: my opinion is you cannot keep it personal. If you are so blessed to have true happiness, it is there for you to share. The light you emit is given to spark the smoldering flame in others and make their light shine brighter.
I went through a couple of serious illnesses and survived. I’ve lost two people so close, part of me went with them. I had every opportunity to turn inward and become depressed.
I have always had a positive attitude. Even in those deepest, darkest times, I was blessed that my faith kept that attitude alive. My doctor told me that was why I survived.
A decade ago, I cowrote a book about attitude. The name is: I’ll Push, You Steer: The Definitive Guide to Stumbling Through Life With Blimders On. It was my first publication, and there were mistakes, but so many readers said it helped them, I was glad we made the effort. The publisher retired so we cleaned it up and republished as a Kindle e-book. In spite of the age, I still have an occasional reader find me and make positive comments.
This is not meant to be a commercial for the book. That horse ran out. I’m content with that.
My reason for commenting is to express how we can share our personal happiness, as you do here on this blog, and also add to the peace and contentment within ourselves
I apologize for the length of this comment
I felt moved to share my feelings about personal happiness and positive attitude.
God bless you, Bryn, for being so honest and sharing yourself with your friends who follow your blog
You are so right, Bonnie. Happiness should be shared. I love the title of that book. I’m going to have to check that out.
Thank you, Erin.
What about Bryn Donovan Books.. ? sounds perfect to me, and thx so much Bryn for all the excellent information you so generously share .
I had every opportunity to turn inward and become depressed. I have always had a positive attitude. Even in those deepest, darkest times, I was blessed that my faith kept that attitude alive. My doctor told me that was why I survived. I love to sit and crochet, and while I may not be good at it, I also enjoy painting. Those are all things I am working to do more of. switch