I’ve been lucky enough to get a lot of youthful readers, of all biological ages, filled with hope and dreams. Many of you seem younger than you are. I think some of you figured out how to be young again…and I suspect some of you are going to be young forever!
So as I begin to write this post, I already know that I’m going to get great advice in the comments section about how to be younger than your age or how to be young at heart. One of the main reasons I love blogging is that it allows me to learn so much from others, and this is a topic I find so fascinating.
[AdSense-B]
If you’ve read my blog for a little while, you know that I consider myself a late bloomer…which I think is a beautiful thing. And if you’ve read my blog for a long, long time, you know that I believe age is as much a social construct as a biological reality…and there have even been scientific experiments that support that theory!
I often hear people who are ten or even twenty years younger than I am complaining about getting older…and I think to myself, “Wow,that sounds terrible.”
We can’t avoid some physical issues that go along with aging…and of course, people can suffer physical problems at any age. Naturally, we look older with time. Concentrating on work we’re passionate about, enjoying days in the sun, and smiling and laughing, all leave their traces. (I have the deepest smile lines of anyone I know, because I smile all the time. I don’t have “resting bitch face”…I have “resting cheerful face.” I don’t regret it a bit.)
None of this matters at all, because hopefully we spend our days living, not staring into mirrors. And honestly, is there anything more awesome than a person who’s 70, 80, or older who’s still rocking it? (You know there isn’t.)
Sorry to say, I’ve known many fresh-faced young things who felt much older than I do, and I’m out to change that. If you’ve been through a lot lately, and life has made you feel a decade older in the past year or two, let’s see what we can do about that!
Regret nothing.
A couple of years ago, I joined a Facebook group for women of a certain age. Friends, I did not last long there. One of the first things I encountered was a long thread of women talking about their regrets. They missed this career opportunity. They didn’t make the most of their year in London. They let a great guy (or gal) get away.
Now, it’s great to learn from one’s mistakes. If we’ve had the chance to mess up a lot, and we know not to do that same thing again, that’s a huge advantage! But these ladies were bitter. They would say, “This one kills me.” And they talked as if their lives were already over.
If you spend too much time on these thoughts, they’ll make you old, even if you’re not. And you’ll waste time now that you’ll regret later! You’ve got to let them go. Where you’re headed is more interesting than where you’ve been.
Have adventures.
You may think, “I can’t afford them.” Honestly, I think travel is a wonderful thing if you have the money, but it’s only one kind of adventure. When you were a kid, you probably had almost no money, and you still had adventures. You roamed in the woods, lost yourself in books about far-away and make-believe places, and snuck out onto the garage roof after midnight to look at the stars. (Wait, that’s me. But you probably did similar things!)
It’s so easy to get stuck in routines: doing the same things, going to the same restaurants (or eating the same food at home), and so on. Go someplace you’ve never been in your town, or a neighboring town. Read about a country or an era you know nothing about. Try a new kind of exercise. Take a walk you’ve never taken. Try a new recipe. Eat only Italian food for a month. Eat only Indian food for a month. Go to an event that makes you mingle with strangers. Get to know someone who’s only been an acquaintance for years. Write longhand, by candlelight. Watch a sunset. Watch the moon rise.
Go on big adventures if you can, but the “smallest” adventures can make a profound difference in your life and in your soul.
[AdSense-B]
Get a little self-absorbed.
This sounds like a bad thing, right? It isn’t really. Some of us get so focused on the needs of our families and/or our careers that we can neglect ourselves and even lose sight of who we are. Why do you think so many of us are suckers for those endless online quizzes—”What Kind of Ice Cream Are You?” and so on? It’s because it feels good to think about our identify for once.
In high school, some of us spent a lot of time pondering whether we were emo, or just an intellectual poet…preppy, or just classic…and than kind of thing. As silly as it may seem, that kind of thinking can be fun and empowering.
If you liked fashion in the past, think about how you’d like to define your personal style today. Take a personality test for Myers-Briggs or the enneagram, and reflect on what that means for you. Think about your “personal brand,” even if you have no desire to be a social media influencer. But if you’re so inclined, share more photos of yourself being awesome and doing awesome things. Pets, kids, and grandkids are great, but you matter, too!
How do you define yourself? If you had to describe yourself in ten adjectives, what would they be? Do you want to have a signature color? A signature fragrance? A personal theme song? What habits are “you,” and which aren’t working for you any more?
If everyone else’s demands are weighing on your shoulders, reconnecting with your own identity is how to feel young again. Try it out!
Get idealistic.
It’s easy for many people, as they get older, to get soured on their own prospects and the prospects of the world. Their dreams for the future turn into “survive the week.” Their efforts to help the world dwindle into complaining about how terrible everything is and yelling at people on Twitter.
In some ways, the world is actually improving! The percentage of people in the world living in extreme poverty has dropped dramatically since 1950—from fifty percent to ten percent. Literacy is skyrocketing. These things don’t happen by themselves: people are making them happen. Even small things—a call to a senator, a random act of kindness—can make a big difference.
And don’t stop dreaming about your own life, either. No matter what your age, there are still possibilities for new blessings in your life.
Reconnect with your sensual side.
This is such a sensitive topic, but I’m going to do my best.
If you’ve been in a relationship for years and years, and you can go from having…well, let’s call it private romantic time…maybe once a month, to doing it three times a week, it’s going to change your whole outlook on life. You’re going to feel younger. I’m telling you this from experience!
Not everyone in a relationship is able to to do it, for various physical reasons. But just enjoying more touching—holding hands, slow dancing, backrubs, and cuddling—still makes a big difference.
Many of us aren’t in a relationship, but sensuality is a personal thing as well. I’m not going to go into specifics of how people can recover their sense of being a sensual person, mainly because I want to keep things at least PG-rated. But even tactile pleasures—satin pajamas or sheets, bubble baths—can help us reconnect with that side of ourselves.
We get fed a lot of lies about how sensuality is only for young people or people who look a certain way, when really, it’s for everybody.
[AdSense-B]
Spend time with friends.
Chat online, text, and get together. Do you need more friends? It’s not too late to make them.
Listen to new music.
The other week, I texted my nephew to ask him for new music recommendations. He texted back the next day with a playlist called “Spring Jams,” and told me “I expect a playlist in return of equal or greater quality.” It kind of made my week. And there were some great songs on there!
As we get older, some of us stop discovering new bands, and that’s a shame. Music that speaks to us and what we’re going through at the moment can keep us young. With iTunes, Spotify, and Pandora, it’s never been easier to find new songs that re-energize our souls.
It’s a wonderful thing to realize how young you can really be…no matter what year you were born!
What keeps you young? What makes you feel old? What do you struggle with? Let us all know in the comments! Thanks for reading, and have a great week!
Hi Bryn! Hi everyone! What a great post! I am facing a milestone birthday this year, and some parts of my body keep reminding of that, but I try always to stay young at heart.
Here are my tips:
Don’t be dismissive or jealous of the younger generations. There’s nothing that makes you seem older than grousing about “millennials and their avocado toast.” I think younger people have a lot to teach us, if we are open to listening to them.
Own your passions and don’t be afraid you’re too old for that hobby, to wear that color, to read that book. I am a nerd and own it. I love to read and write stories about mermaids and fairies and don’t care if people think that’s childish. Love what you love and don’t worry about the naysayers.
And finally, my life mantra: always be learning. Pick up a book on a subject that’s always intrigued you. Take a language or cooking class. Keep an active mind and it will help you maintain a youthful heart,
Great read!
Kimberly, you are so right about attitudes toward younger generations. I think dismissing younger or older generations is lazy thinking that’s lacking in empathy. There are all kinds of people, of every age. 🙂 I love your suggestions of owning your passions and continuing learning…those are both so good!
You have great ideas of how to feel young again! I definitely believe people get stuck in their own routine. Instead of clinging to our personal comfort zone, we all need to break the cycle to try something new. It helps us grow and expand our minds. That’s a good thing!
Hi, Katherine! Yeah, shaking things up can really make us feel alive. 🙂 Thanks for reading, and thanks for commenting!
I’ll admit it here (but not in public), I’m sixty-two. I don’t feel it. I don’t act it. I don’t dress it. I don’t look it. When people talk about grandchildren, I mention I have ten and the oldest is seventeen. They are shocked. In writing, I’m a later bloomer than Bryn. I started about five years ago. Including a couple short stories, I’ve got fifteen completed works and this year is the year I’ll get published. So, go for it. It’s only too late if you tell yourself it is. And a plus, writing keeps your mind sharp.
I love this post, Deborah. I often don’t mention my age, because people have wrongheaded notions about different ages that I’d rather not deal with. 🙂 Your writing journey is so inspirational! Thanks for sharing!
I love this topic. I admit, I feel every one of my years. Being a single mom especially, I only seem to have time for adulting. I only seem capable of mom mode. Which although there’s humor involved, there’s not much of the whimsy or spontaneity of my teen years. In those days I’d up and go to the beach on a whim no matter the time of day, have spontaneous dance parties in my living room, etc. I’ve never really figured out how to change the loss of that.
But one thing I’m pretty good at that I think is soooo important is keeping your mind open to the younger generation. Valuing them. I LOVE that you put ‘find new music’ on this list because you never see people mention that. Yet it’s one of the most common ways people reject young people. Ie, ‘“My” music was better, everything new sucks.’ I really believe that shutting yourself off from new art like that & being contemptuous of the ways people express themselves now, is not only aging, but it’s a sign of you stopping living. It’s too early to stop living! And it shuts young people out of your life when you devalue them. I can’t think of a faster way to age. That applies to all art: movies, tv, video games—we always feel nostalgic for ours and that’s ok, but there are always something special & cool about the new stuff too.
Rebekah!! Yeah, I can only imagine how being a parent changes things, and being a single mom…doubly so. I love it that you’re mentioning keeping your mind open to younger people. And I feel the same way about art: the nostalgic stuff is so important, but the new stuff is, too. Someday, it’ll be what we get nostalgic about!! 🙂 Thanks for commenting!
Kimberly B. said it, “always be learning.” Thanks for the post.
I’m so glad people are bringing that up. Thanks for reading, Bob!
Bryn Hello,
What an insightful and honest dip into waters that run deep for all of us. I find, positivity in the face of negative people and thoughts is paramount to not falling I to preconceived notions of age and aging.
Teaching Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, jogging, and going to the gym help to stay in shape and feel young.
Having a 23 year old and 10 year old are srtong motivations to live in the moment and see life through their eyes and experiences.
Yes. Traveling, romance, finding time to enjoy your significant other, to celebrate each other, and find the time to keep, not only the flame but, the fire alive is challenging at times but important.
Life throws so many curve balls at us all, make sure to have a bat always handy to hit those suckers away.
Bryn, thank you for the inspiration and reminders.
Bryan
Bryan, what a great post. Wow! You teach jiu jitsu! I’d like to learn. I’m not supposed to do martial arts or skydive because I’m a kidney donor…but I’d really like to do both! Haha. “Life throws so many curve balls at us all, make sure to have a bat always handy to hit those suckers away.” I want to get that on a tee shirt or something! Amazing.
My best advice is to keep learning. I wanted to learn how to line dance – so I took a class. I looked ridiculous, went the wrong direction way too many times, and laughed my head off at myself. I’m going to learn to swing dance next, so look out!
Diana in Indiana
Diana, it’s such fantastic advice! I think there’s even hard science behind lessons keeping one young (esp. language lessons and dance lessons!) You’re motivating me to study more Spanish like I keep wanting to do. How awesome that you did the line dancing…and I think if a person can laugh at herself, she’s so much more fearless. Thanks for sharing!
I love this post! Thank you! I would agree with all of it, especially that you are always smiling, because, even having met you for a brief time, you indeed were smiling the entire time. My pointer for ways to feel young have to do with my childhood. My father was very strict with me. From everything to what I ate, hobbies, clothing, and what television shows I watched. So I treat myself (Treat Yo Self) to sugar cereal, junk food, movies from my childhood, basically everything that was a no and simply relax in the moment. I also work hard (took many years, maybe twenty) to accept myself and to be okay with what I like and that I don’t have to follow social norms. I don’t have to do what is “supposed to be done” by those my age. i.e. when I was in my twenties I didn’t drink or go to clubs to fit in. i.e. now at 39 I accept joy in watching re-run shows and don’t worry about watching the “popular shows.” Thanks again for your post. Have a great week!!
Hey friend! What a wonderful, thoughtful post. I like the idea of giving yourself a happy childhood like you’re doing. 🙂 Hope you’re having a great week yourself!
Thank you! 🙂
Great post! I agree with all the comments about continued learning. My husband and I are both writers, sit back to back in our home office and forever bounce things off of each other. We’re also ballroom dancers–and dance at least one to two nights a week–no, we do not compete. We golf, we’re both readers, and we entertain a lot, drink red wine and talk to our 3 cats. We’re not wealthy, except in friends, interests, activities and family. We both volunteer – we don’t do Senior Centers because my husband says he can’t relate – he’s 83 and I’m 79. No one ever believes we’re of that age. I head up two writing critique groups, and am once again taking up sculpting with clay, which I did in college. We love people, and stay up late and laugh a lot. Each day is a joy. Learn, laugh and love is the secret. Regrets? Yes, but we don’t dwell on them – there’s just not enough time for that. Again, thanks for the post! Wonderful reminders.
Judy, I just love this post. It’s so inspirational and #relationshipgoals. And how cool that you’re getting back into sculpting! That is great. Thanks for commenting!
Sleep during the day and live at night. Sol is a killer! xD
Only changes to my physical body get to me about my late-50s age. Other than that, I still don’t feel like an ‘adult’ and recall my mother a few years ago (I think she was 79 at the time) making that very same statement to the mother of my SIL. Age is all in the mind.
Music-wise, I live on Bandcamp and Jamendo. The former because they give artists 85% in royalties and the latter because it exposes me to high-quality royalty-free music of all genres. But, I’ve always been a “public radio” kind of guy, and those sources provide that kind of eclecticism.
“Sleep during the day and live at night”–hahaha! I was not expecting that advice. I don’t know that I can take it any time soon, but it sounds badass. 🙂 I didn’t know about Bandcamp and Jamendo. Thanks for mentioning them…I will check them out!
2019 04 29 Promise Not to Get Old
When I turned 40, my five-year-old burst into tears. When I took him on my lap and asked what was wrong, he cried, “But I don’t want you to get old!” I promised him that I wouldn’t get old for a long, long time.
That was thirty years ago. The last time I saw him, I called him Daddy in front of his beautiful little girls. I never thought about doing that when he was three. Someday I’ll call him Grandpa in front of his grandchildren. Will I be old then? I still have a promise to keep.
One thing that keeps me young is writing fantasy. I was recently presented with the challenge of “re-branding” myself. It seems a bit overwhelming to turn my back on the historical work I have done, the awards I have won and the name I have made for myself in a historical context to establish myself as a writer of fantasy. The first thing I did was to take some of the artwork I did in the past and clone in pictures of myself as I am now. One of my favorites is a picture of an entity from my book with myself as I was when I wrote the first draft and a recent picture of myself.
Ohhh Jessie, that story about your son is really something. I guess he knows by now that it’s never going to happen. 🙂 That must’ve been SO interesting…and challenging…to re-brand yourself as an author. I loved hearing about how you went about it. Thanks for sharing!
I love your optimism, Bryn – I always enjoy your posts! Thank you!
Aww, thanks. Thank you for reading! I always love your comments!
Yes to everything you said. You’ve written my playbook…lol. Great post! Thanks for sharing.
Hahaha! Thanks for reading, Ginny!
Great Post-Thank you, Bryn! As a fellow-Late Bloomer I can attribute my YOUNG AT HEART mentality to a few things:
1-My mom (almost 89,now) is a great role model for me.
2-My elementary students keep me humble and inspired.
3-Positivity. Optimism. Empathy. Compassion. Appreciation.
4-My family and the writing community (F2F and online)
5-Life Long Learner
6-Trying new things (even for this introvert) like learning to quilt in my 40s and starting to write fiction after the age of 50 🙂 YOU GO GIRL!
7-I appreciate my socially excruciating younger years and have given myself permission to be bold now. In fact, at some point I stopped caring what others thought of me because I began to think highly enough of myself.
8-Those personal failures I had to experience and the incidents of horribly unfair treatment I did not deserve did not make me unique, they made me strong.
9-God’s graces.
10- Hmmm, #10? Don’t know yet, but I am sure there is more wonder to come!
Be well everyone!
Liz! See, I knew I was going to get great advice when I posted this! I love your list. #8 is such a great insight, especially. And maybe #10 being open is a part of that mentality! Thank you for sharing!
I don’t even know where to start with this one. I’m reading it on a day that has me feeling like I’m a million years old and just waiting to be covered with Earth. Maybe there can be more to my little existence. Thanks Bryn. I needed that.
To answer your question, I guess one of the things that makes me feel young is enjoying nerdy stuff. I have a Harley Quinn wallet and purse. I have a dancing Baby Groot on my desk at the office. Little things like that make me smile.
Hi Erin, Don’t crawl into that hole yet… I enjoy reading your comments as well and hope to see more of them. Bryn’s post today is one to get us all thinking and I really enjoyed that. Nerdy stuff, I love it too. I enjoy finding little things to have around me simply because they make me smile. I went to a local Comicon two weeks ago and my favorite costumed person was Harley Quinn. 🙂
Aww. Thanks Cheryl. I’m not in the hole yet. I love Harley! She is my girl.
ERIN. I think we’ve already established that you are a Bright Young Thing. 🙂 And I agree…there really is something about fun, nerdy stuff. I’m thinking about re-decorating my office (which is barely decorated at all, honestly) and that’s a great thing to keep in mind…I’m glad you mentioned it!
Happy to help
Thanks Bryn for this great post. Really makes me think! Many people commented that “learning new things” is one way to help. That has been a lifelong passion of mine. In fact, when I turned 60, my kids got me my first (and so far, only) tattoo – it says “Ancora Imparo”–a quote credited to Michelangelo in is 80s meaning “Yet, I am learning”. I took classes in creative writing and published my first (and so far, only) book when I was 62. Just the other day I searched for video tutorials on how to eat with chopsticks, just because I didn’t know how to do that yet. Thanks again, for the thought-provoking posts you share with us. Enjoy your day!
Cheryl, I’m so glad you posted! You know, I’m still thinking about getting my first tattoo…that is a GREAT one (I need to add it to my post about Latin phrases and tattoos! Should I credit you by name??) I love it. I should also learn how to eat with chopsticks. I’m just going to copy everything you do, okay? Hahaha!
Ha, That’s funny. If you would like to use my name in reference to the tattoo quote I don’t mind. I’ve created a document throughout the years of “Quotes I love” and have a board on Pinterest for quotes I see there. I have to say, I love so many from Gandalf of Lord of the Rings (J.R.R. Tolkien) and Lisa See (author of Snow Flower and the Secret Fan). “I told her how much I loved her and said I hoped she would be waiting for me in the afterworld. I talked her all the way to the edge of the sky, not wanting her to go yet yearning to release her into the clouds.” Not enough room on my arm for that one, Haha. Take care.
As usual, great piece. I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for all the hard work you to in this world.
Like I said on your Facebook post, listening to new music is a big one for me. The older I get, the harder it is for me to go to shows, so I have to be more selective. My back and my knees can’t handle the standing and jumping around and I’d like to preserve what’s left of my hearing. But I’m still a huge fan of the kind of music that people half my age are listening to and I’m going to a show this month where I’ll probably be the only person over the age of 40 there.
I also don’t subscribe to the idea that people over a certain age should dress a certain way. I still like my t-shirts with bands or superheroes on them and I wear mostly Vans and Converse. And I still enjoy activities that are usually meant for younger people, like playing video games and watching animated shows.
What a great post, and so very true! I’ve been caring for my parents and it’s aged me in some ways. I still wear my Chuck Taylors and my one tattoo with pride, though! On the flipside, I have a lot of nieces and nephews who keep me young. The music thing–couldn’t agree more. My playlist includes stuff from most genres. Learning new things is also important. This year I’ve taken up Krav Maga. I love the line from I Hope You Dance-“I hope you never lose your sense of wonder.” Wonder is a huge component of staying young at heart–noticing the beauty of the world around us, stopping long enough to enjoy fireflies dancing on a summer’s night, a sunrise, or the pure joy of children at Christmas.You mentioned regrets. Holding onto them does age us. It’s letting go and learning to forgive others that restores our bodies and minds. Too much stress and negativity also age us as well, so I’ve stopped engaging with any hater or troll, online or otherwise, and I’ve stopped watching virtually all news. I’m tired of all the fighting and incivility. If someone wants to have a respectful discussion and exchange views, fine, but I don’t engage with anyone who’s disrespectful or just plain cruel. I just wish them a blessed day and move on. Enjoyed reading your perspective and the responses of others.
Informative post!! Think about your “personal brand,” even if you have no desire to be a social media influencer.