Hi friends! This is silly and embarrassing, but what the heck. Today I’m writing about how, sometimes, the littlest thing can give you courage. I like tips about how to be more confident, so I figured you might like mine, too!
When I moved from Kansas City and started my new job in Los Angeles last year, I noticed on my first day at the office that the kitchen was stocked with free tea bags—including my favorite, Earl Grey. What a nice perk, right? I know. I’m spoiled.
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I brought in a teacup and saucer from home, because I don’t enjoy drinking out of paper cups as much and I hate to create unnecessary waste. I’d always drank out of a proper teacup at my last job, and I don’t think anyone thought that much of it, but when I went to one of my first meetings with my cup of tea, people commented on it.
“Wow, look at your fancy teacup.”
“You’re so sophisticated!”
My boss joked, “That’s how they do things in Kansas City!” The whole thing was a fun icebreaker.
Not that long ago at work, I was about to go to a pitch meeting. Here’s what a pitch meeting is: I bring proposals for books to the senior programming execs at my company, and they critique them. All book deals we make on proposal only get greenlighted by them.
These meetings have taught me so much about storytelling and plotting, because the execs are brilliant. If there’s a little fudging with a character’s motivation, they catch it. If a main character’s arc—in other words, the way the main character grows and changes over the course of the story—isn’t clear or satisfying, they point that out. If something doesn’t quite make sense logically, or is just a little too convenient, or if a main character overreacts or is a bit of a jerk…well, you get the idea. It’s an incredible experience for me to get to learn from them.
And also, as you can imagine, I always feel a little anxious before pitch meetings.
Now, it’s not like when I did my stint in retail advertising, and I ran the risk of being personally insulted or straight-up yelled at if a higher-up didn’t like my campaign. (I’m not sorry I had that experience, either…I learned a lot and it toughened me up like nobody’s business, haha.)
Everybody at my company is super nice! They’re professional and courteous, and they’re hard on the work, not the people, which is exactly as it should be. And I am pretty good at not taking critique personally. I’m almost always really glad to get it because it makes the end result better.
But I get a little anxious anyway, because I’m often representing an idea that an author has put their heart and soul into, and that I like very much. And because I’m human.
So right before I went to this pitch meeting, I thought: I should bring a cup of tea.
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I made a nice cup of Earl Grey and went to the meeting with my book proposals, and the programming exec commented jokingly about my impressive teacup.
Just a simple prop gave me more confidence. It was a subtle statement to myself as well as to others: I am an individual. I am more than this job. I am somebody.
I can imagine a lot of things might serve the same purpose. I once worked with a woman who wore some kind of silk flower pin every day. She had a collection of them, and they were her trademark. The late writer Tom Wolfe had a very obvious bit: he always wore a white suit, and although I really know nothing about him, I can imagine that sometimes it might’ve been a little like putting on a suit of armor.
A piece of jewelry or a watch, a signature nail polish color, a high-quality pen or a particular kind of notebook, a hard-to-get brand of soda…I can imagine a lot of things feeling like good-luck charms or quiet statements of individuality. If you have business or social situations that cause you anxiety, you might consider trying one out!
Do you have props or quirks that you’re known for, or objects that make you feel lucky? Do you know someone else who does? Let me know in the comments! Thanks so much for reading, and have a great week!
Bryn–I love this entry. I very much do the same thing with a favorite necklace (sometimes an undergarment, lol!). Thank you for this post. It really hit home for me because I am an Earl Grey tea drinker, and I can only drink it with a pottery mug–I have a couple favorites. I hope your day rocks today–Suzanne
Hi, Suzanne! Thanks for the kind words! I actually didn’t know if this one was going to make sense to anyone else 🙂 , so I’m glad it resonated with you. Fellow Earl Grey drinkers, yay! Have a great week!
Love this. My prop is a purple pen. Thanks for the encouraging post.
A purple pen! I love it, Tina! Thanks for reading. 🙂
Probably it’s my pink hair. I’ve been without it since June last year and I’ve been missing it terribly. It comes back this week!
R.L., I didn’t know you had pink hair! I hope it’s fun getting it back—I bet it will be!
i always feel a little bit braver when i’m wearing red lipstick!
Well I’m not surprised—it looks so fabulous on you!!
Thank’s for the beautiful post! I always find having my Acoste watch with me gives me confidence. It’s weird how small things can help so much even when you wouldn’t really expect them to. This has also helped a great deal with my book as my protagonist, Mason, always carries something (no idea what yet) to make him feel more secure and confident around others.
Hey, thanks for the nice words! Ooh, I love this as a character trait, too. That sounds great.
Terrific story. I don’t have a particular prop. Maybe I need one. Thanks for the post.
Haha, it might be fun to brainstorm one! Thank you for reading!
Love the this article. I’ve never had a prop and wonder what my live would have been like if I had. These days I’m surrounding myself with things that are blue since it’s my favourite colour.
Hey KC, I fixed the name/email thing! At least, I hope I did it right. 🙂 I love the idea of surrounding yourself with your favorite colour! Blue is so calming and spiritual…but happy, too.
Earl Grey Tea — Captain Picard introduced me to it when I was a young teen, and it’s still one of my favourite black teas. As for props, I’ve got a couple now that I’ve thought about it. First, my boots: low-heel, black suede knee-high by Clarks (Clark is also the name of my eldest, so double good luck there). I always feel like I can kick butt in them, and they are a bit like armor. Second, I’ve become less conscious about wearing my pentagram out in public in the last few years; it’s small and understated, but it’s important to me. And the last bit is my constant jewellery: my diamond studs, wedding/engagement rings (left hand), and Celtic knot work silver ring with garnet (birthstone, right hand). Whatever other jewellery I wear must coordinate with those three items; I’ve had all of them for 10+ years (and the engagement for over 17 yrs now), so they’re as much a part of my identity as my eye colour.
Aww, I LOVED Captain Picard’s “tea, Earl Grey, hot”! It probably is one of the reasons it’s my fave. I love it that you have pieces you wear all the time…I don’t have that, except for my wedding band. That’s so cool.
Loved this post. I can totally relate. I’m an extrovert, but in surroundings where I’m surrounded by people I don’t know, anxiety gets the better of me. I combat it by wearing red. Red is my signature color. It speaks for me before I do.
Oh, that’s so awesome, Danys. Red is such a power color. It says “Here I am, ready to rock!” Haha. Thanks for reading, and for commenting!
I like to drink my tea out of a teacup/saucer too. I have a collection from my grandmother and great-grandmother (both sides of family), some of them go back to the 1950’s. I usually drink green tea, jasmine, and chaga out of them though – I’m not an Earl Grey fan haha…
My mother was given a gold ring from her grandmother when she was 16 and she never took it off. My mom passed at age 50 but now I wear it and never take it off (unless I have to). I wear that and her University Grad ring on the same fingers she wore them. Sometimes at certain angles my hand looks just like hers. I don’t know if I’d consider it my lucky ring but I’ve been wearing them since 2011 and I think I’d feel like I could have some bad luck without them lol. At some point I may put away her grad ring but I’m going to keep the gold one on for the rest of my life, just like she did 🙂
Angie, that collection from your grandmothers sounds so wonderful! And how special that you have your mom’s jewelry. I think that’s almost magical. 🙂
I wear a small silver cross with a tiny amathyst in the center. The intricate design makes it sparkle in the light. I never take it off except to clean it or if I have x-rays. My husband bought it for me after I lost a cross my sister gave me as a high school graduation gift many years ago.
There are certain pieces of clothing that make me feel more confident. If I don’t feel comfortable in my clothes, I don’t feel comfortable in my skin. Or maybe that should be the other way around.
Thank you for the insight into the process of procurement for publications. It gives me a measuring stick to hold my work against.
I love the idea of props for characters. I’m thinking about my own. My main character has a camera with her all the time, but she’s a photographer. I guess that qualifies as a prop.
Bonnie, that cross sounds beautiful. I love it that a replacement for a lost treasure became a treasure itself.
Thanks for the feedback about the publication discussions. I may write a little more about that!
Even if your character is a photographer, having her camera with her ALL the time is definitely a prop, I think.
Props as a confidence boost is a great tip, Bryn. Thanks for sharing this encouragement!
Thank you, Bryn. I would love to know more about the internal workings of the publishing world.
Your current post gives me ideas on what needs to be fixed in my WIP before it goes to my beta readers.
I have a necklace that says, “Keep talking, I’m taking notes for my next book”. I have had it for two years and replaced the chain once. I even ordered a second one (lost in my office somewhere) just in case I lost the original one. When people bother to read it, it makes them chuckle or at least smile. I recently went to Wild Wicked Weekend and on the road trip home I apparently left it in the last hotel in Austin. I’ve reported it but as soon as I realized I had left it I ordered a new one on Amazon and it got here yesterday. Once I put it on, I realized how much better I felt wearing it. Silly yes but it’s my thang. lol
I love the insight of this post as well as the story you shared about your tea cup. THANK YOU, Bryn. (Have you tried Earl Gray with bergamont? It’s my new favorite.) I have a ton of small anxieties, but I’ve gotten better about most, thankfully. I don’t have any objects or known for objects that make me feel lucky (or better), but I do use essential oils When I know I’m going to have a rough meeting out in the field (medically complex, upset families, etc) then I carry my lavender and cedarwood oil roll on with me. It helps calm be before and after.
I love the idea of a roll on scent to use before a meeting!! I have a roll on bottle, just have to use it, lol.
Thank you Bryn.
Thanks for reading! Nice to see you, David!
I agree that bringing your own personal cup-something that expresses your personality – is important. Plus beverages always taste better in a pretty cup. I guess my signature item is probably a necklace I wear often that is made from an old early 20th century typewriter key of the letter D. Not everyone’s cup of tea, but I love history, antiques, and genealogy so it fits my personality.
Loved this! I think I often use props without realizing, but I always wear an autism awareness bracelet, because my son is on the spectrum. Also, my main character has many props, but I think the most important is her cotton canvas knapsack. It’s the most obvious choice, anyway. To me it represents her seeking out what is meaningful to her.