Recently a writer I know talked about not getting sucked into an online argument with a stranger, “because your girl doesn’t work for free.” I was nodding in agreement.
I cut way, way back on Internet arguments and rants a few years ago. I felt like the habit could make anger or bitterness my default setting, and I didn’t want that. I didn’t see a lot of minds being changed, anyway, so I doubted whether it was really worth it. Internet arguments seemed to yield a truly miserable return on investment.
But every week, millions of writers and other creative people are working for free.
They’re putting in hours of careful thought for online arguments and lectures.
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In online communities, sometimes you’ll see a truly epic argument thread. (Once I witnessed one in a “private” Facebook group, and soon after, sections of it were printed verbatim in an article in a major magazine.)
In these threads, one person posts something, and another person disagrees. Before long, some people are posting walls of text that could pass for op ed columns, while others are posting snappy insults and collecting verbal high fives for their wit.
Dozens of people may be involved in the thread. If they were getting paid, it would represent hundreds of dollars’ worth of work.
Now sometimes with these epic threads, the original poster becomes embarrassed or depressed by the whole thing and deletes their post. People get furious when this happens. The fruits of their labor have been destroyed.
The truth is, though, their intelligence and talent were already being wasted. They can’t sell a Facebook thread. They can’t list it on a c.v. They were wasting precious time without changing anyone’s opinion on anything.
I do occasionally use social media for a soapbox, speaking out on issues that matter to me. Sometimes I’ll share advice about taking positive action. I just try to limit the time I spend on the Internet arguing or going on at length about my opinion.
Internet rants are about the least effective way to go about making the world a better place. On Facebook, many of us are only yelling to like-minded people plus that one guy from high school and a couple of incalcitrant relatives. I’d rather focus that energy on my creative work.
Internet rants do have obvious advantages over other actions. We get the instant gratification of responses and a feeling of superiority, all without getting up off the couch. But if we indulge in them regularly, they can be more of a time suck than if we volunteered somewhere a couple of times a week–or even once a week.
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My father-in-law, a man I loved very much, died a week and a half ago. He never ranted on the Internet. He took meals to the poor, canvassed neighborhoods making sure people were registered to vote, attended demonstrations about health care, and petitioned state senators about immigrants’ rights. He was involved in interfaith groups set on taking care of the community and the world.
Almost no one is as active as he was in helping others, but I think one pan of lasagna for a community kitchen or one blood donation is worth about twenty angry rants, and it actually takes less time.
Not everyone is able to get out of the house and do things, but even in that case, I think sharing compassion and encouragement online may be more helpful to the world than berating those we disagree with. There are so many people out there who desperately need more kindness. This takes a lot less time, because people aren’t going to argue with you.
A few years back, in an online writing community I no longer participate in (I’ve been in so many), a woman posted a long tirade in response to something I’d said. I already knew better than to get into it with her. Another woman in the group sent me a private message to say that this person was always laying into someone.
“She always complains about not getting enough writing done,” she wrote me. “But I think if you added up all her complaints online, she probably writes about 30K words a week.”
Writers, I’m sure you’ve noticed, to your dismay, that you’ve only got so many hours in a day. Your creativity or mental focus may have daily limits, as well.
Don’t let fighting cut into your word count. Be true to your dreams. You didn’t start the year thinking, “This will be the year I’ll spend a total of 67 hours bickering on the Internet.” You were meant for bigger and better things than that.
This is my author?
Aww. Thank you, Taffy! Always nice to see you 🙂
Bryn, this is brilliant! I need to print your post and put it over my desk. Facebook used to be fun, but it has become more of a battleground than a playground. I force myself to stay off it during the day, which is my writing time, or I get sucked into a negative abyss. Same goes for the news. Your suggestion to reach out and help others instead of ranting or getting bogged down in the mire is spot-on. You are a great mentor!
Hi, Susan! Ah, thanks for the kind words. Yeah, I have pulled way back on Facebook…”more of a battleground than a playground” is a great way to put it! You must be a writer or something 😉 Thanks for commenting!
We saw this a lot, of course, during election season in the U.S. and now I’m seeing lots of political rants from my Aussie friends who seem to be going through some upheaval there that I can only begin to understand. This hit home specifically for me though because I do participate in a group for authors on Goodreads and more specifically, a single discussion thread about book promotion for indie authors that’s been running three or more years now.
A couple of weeks ago a gentleman posted on the thread about how he had no intention of ever discounting his books, that he worked too hard and spent to much to take anything more for them than full price. He went on to ask a couple of questions about newsletter promotions via companies like Bookbub and eReader News Today. I responded to him to answer his questions but, in my response I asked him something to the effect of, “Why are you here, on this thread, if you don’t plan to discount your books?” I was truly curious what his angle was and someone else asked the same thing. The question set him off on a mad and lengthy tirade against me and the other author. I sent off a short, “Sorry, didn’t mean to offend response saying I was curious and meant no harm. I stayed away after that. It’s not worth it.
And now I’ve spent 5 minutes writing this, so back to the jacket blurb that’s marinating in my head…
Hi, Anna! Yeah…I’ve been wondering what’s happening in Australia now. It’s so strange when people get set off easily, and I would’ve done the same thing and backed away. 🙂 Good luck on the blurb!
I totally agree with you about arguing online. It is a defeatist effort and no one really wins. I believe the majority of people enjoy positive thoughts and don’t want to engage in negative behavior. There is enough of that surrounding us daily. I love how you brought up the fact that we could be spending our time helping one another, doing charitable work, and encouraging each other. Thanks for the blog! It was well written. Have a great day!
Hi, Lorraine! Thank you so much for reading, and for commenting…I really appreciate that! And it’s always good to know there are like-minded people out there 🙂 Have a great day!
Bryn. I understand what you’re saying here. I was a member of a very small group that was bullied unmercifully on Face Book for taking the high ground. We refused to badmouth a local institution of higher learning that helped low income kids get a college education. The assaults were painful. It was apparent, after a couple of attempts to explain our point of view, that the onslaught was going to continue. We refused to engage further and finally the harassment dwindled then stopped.
When bad things happen to good people on social media, it’s time to take a step back. That’s not what it’s all about. The time wasted can never be recovered. I could have spent that time writing and learning about writing. What a waste.
Hi, Bonnie! Ugh, that sounds like an awful experience. In that kind of situation, disengaging really is the best thing to do…the bullies get bored and move on. 🙂
When the whole metoo movement started, I walked a fine line because of my opinion and the one time I stepped over it and voiced said opinion I was lambasted and called a victim basher. I was shocked, because of who said it (a supposed friend) and because that can’t be any further from the truth. My novel(s) center around sexual harassment/assault in a major women’s sport. I’ve experienced it myself.
I now limit my comments to funny memes or gifs.
Hi, Sara! Always nice to see you 🙂 You know what, I know how that can go. I once got attacked by a bunch of people on a website and on tumblr as a rape apologist, which isn’t the case, and it was especially not fun for me since I was raped when I was five years old. Sometimes people take things wrong and attack before learning more. I’m sorry you went through that!
This is so true. To be honest, I’m starting to feel this way in general about social media as a whole. I find many days I use ‘catching up’ or ‘unwinding’ on social media as an excuse for not getting some writing in–and most of the time, it only depresses me and wastes several usable hours to boot.
I meant to add as well, your FIL sounds he was a lovely man. And yes, I’m working to make a bigger difference in my own circle than worrying about what I can or cannot do for the world as a whole.
Hey, thanks very much. I really appreciate the condolences. He was (and is) an inspiration, for sure. Have a great day 🙂
Yeah, I’ve blogged about my struggles with keeping my social media time in check before…it really IS depressing in excess and there are better ways for me to unwind (like taking a walk, for heaven’s sake)! It gets in the way of my writing, too. But I’m getting better about it!
It’s true. A little compassion and encouragement can go a long way toward making the internet a better place to be. Like you, I’ve given up on rants and arguments for exactly the same reason. They go nowhere fast and take far too much time and effort. For me, it’s just easier to pay it forward. Feels better, too.
Great post! Most of the arguments online are just the talking points of whatever news programs people follow. It’s sad when you can basically guess exactly what new sources people listened to or read from. While the exchange of opinions can be fun it seems to have turned into a blood sport — and just as wasteful and destructive as cock fighting!
Casseroles are much tastier and nourishing.
Hi, Adrienne! Oh my gosh…you have such a good point about people repeating the talking points they’ve heard. I love the cockfighting analogy!
How very true. I wish more people would take this advice. I think the problem is the anonymity of the net. You can say things and not see the person’s reaction. Or be in any danger of physical retaliation, for that matter. Neither does the other person know you, and the chances you’ll meet are very slim.
Hello V.M.! I agree about the anonymity. I use some version of my face and/or name everywhere on the internet, and have for years… If I’m going to say something, I better be willing to do it publicly. I think on the internet, too, we can reduce a whole human being to one opinion or point of view. Great comment! Thank you!
Bryn – Excellent post. This is a conclusion I reached this week after days of posting back and forth about gun control. I am just not going to take the bait any longer. Much like your father-in-law, I would rather spend my time putting my perspective to work to making a change than to try to change minds.
Hi, PJ! Yeah, it’s very difficult to change minds online, even though it’s natural to want to try when we feel passionately about something. I’ve got my Congress people’s numbers in my phone, so that when I have something to say, it’s easy to tell them. 😀 Hope all is going well for you! It’s always good to see you. 🙂
I love that juxtaposition between Facebook rants and your father-in-law’s life choices (condolences on your loss too – it sounds like a painful loss for your family). Your FIL actually got things done and built connection at the same time. At one time, I thought FB a good platform to raise awareness about a cause I care about, and maybe it was at that time. But now we just talk AT each other and, I think, have a false sense that we have “done something.” I now visit FB 1-2 times a week and set a timer for 20 minutes and completely ignore other social media. And instead of spending precious minutes ranting about what I care about, I donate an hour or two a week using my writing talents to help groups that are, IMHO, making the world a better place. What we THINK doesn’t count for much. What we DO does.