Should I give up writing?
Last week, a woman in one of my many online writer groups asked us this. She’d written and self-published a historical novel that had gotten twenty or so good reviews, but a few months after its release, it wasn’t selling many copies. She was having trouble staying motivated to work on her next project, and she wondered if she should just quit.
Now, there are all kinds of good reasons to quit writing. If you expected to get a lot of money right away and that didn’t happen, and you didn’t really enjoy writing anyway, that’s a great reason to give it up. In this case, there was no shame in trying, and there’s no shame in quitting, either.
But speaking of shame…a couple of times, I’ve had long conversations with people who were wondering if they should quit, even though they loved writing.
That made no sense to me. Why quit something you love doing?
If they’d been trying to make a full-time living at it, and it wasn’t working out, it would’ve been reasonable to consider getting a job, of course. I’ve always worked full time, myself.
But they were talking about quitting altogether. And when I talked to them more, I eventually learned that they were embarrassed. Embarrassed that they hadn’t had more success.
The Judge Who Wasn’t There
I think many writers see themselves through the eyes of a mean critic. They have a voice in their head saying things like:
Look at them. Who do they think they are? They’re not a real writer. They’ve only published two poems, and that was two years ago…
They haven’t finished their novel, and they’ve been working on it forever…
They still haven’t gotten a publishing contract, and they’re 60 years old!
Many writers act as if they are going to be hauled in front of a judge and asked to justify the time they spent writing versus the results. And not the results of personal happiness or fulfillment… but measurable results, like dollars or awards. As if those are the only ones that count.
Because of this, they’ll sometimes set a stop-loss on their dreams. If I don’t get a novel published in five years, I’ll give up. (Never mind that many published authors wouldn’t be published authors if they’d followed a similar rule.)
They act as though putting a lot of time into writing, yet not achieving commercial success, is humiliating.
Okay, but is it? Is it really?
[AdSense-B]
Almost nobody else is judging our progress. We might imagine that all of our Facebook friends and all of the relatives we see at Thanksgiving dinner are always thinking about how we’re falling short of expectations. The truth is, almost no one is thinking about our writing success at all.
Nobody is making harsh judgements about our return on investment except the imaginary judge we’ve invented for ourselves, and we can kick that person out any time.
The Shameless Writer
As a graduate student in an MFA program, I made my poems the best I could make them, but I didn’t have hope of commercial success, because almost no one reads poetry. I just loved doing it. When literary magazines published them, I thought that was great, and when they rejected my work, I thought that was too bad for them. I think I’ve always held on to a little bit of that attitude.
If you love writing, you have to learn to be shameless.
That way, you can always enjoy it, no matter what comes or doesn’t come from it.
“Shameless” is a funny word, because we use it as an insult. But we accept “shameless” is negative, then we have to accept being ashamed of ourselves as a positive, which is madness.
The really good things in life rarely result in money and accolades. Walking in the moonlight. Playing with your dog. Turning up the music and dancing around your apartment.
The way I see it is: my free time is my free time. I can spend it any way I want. If I wanted to spend it watching TV or playing video games, that would fine. If I decided to spend hours and hours a week scouring thrift stores in search of new unicorn figurines to add to my collection, I’d have every right to do that.
And if I spend it writing books and blog posts, well, that’s pretty cool. And it brings me enjoyment, satisfaction, and discoveries about myself and about the world.
And if someone else likes my writing? If someone else clicks on my posts, or even more, buys my books? Wow, that’s amazing! It’s an honor, and I’m grateful. But the truth is, I love writing it either way.
I believe shame hurts writers at every step of the process: when they’re trying to make time to write, when they’re asking for feedback and when they’re receiving it, when they’re submitting or publishing their work, and so on.
As long as we allow it, shame will stick around…even if we do become successful. It’s way past time for all of us as writers to let it go.
Fantastic post, Bryn! I’ve shared a link to your Shameless Writer post on my blog, and I plan to reblog for Write it Wednesday. Thanks for the encouragement!
Thank you, DAfan! I really appreciate it!
Even if I wanted to quit, I don’t think I could because I see too many story starters around me that beg to be written. I need more hours to tell them.
Hi, Catherine! Oh my goodness… I feel the same way!
I write because I can. It matters not that anyone reads what I write or that I ever publish. I enjoy the learning, the process, the rewrite. I write every single day, something, anything. I’m outlining my third book. I’m writing scenes in no particular order. I write back stories of my characters for posting on a blog that I may or may never start. Completing a novel is daunting. Why would anyone write if it wasn’t for the love of writing. The mental satisfaction of forming sentences and paragraphs and building this into a full story is not something you do if you don’t enjoy it.
I agree, Pam…It’s too big of a job if you don’t love it. It sounds like we have similar creative processes, too. 🙂
I hear you Pam. I also write because I can. I dream of getting published one day but I’ve learned not to have to much expectations. I don’t care about fame but just getting published and seeing my book on a shelf would be enough for me. I think about writing, alot sometimes I question myself about why I even want to write and think about giving it all up. But I know that if I quit I know I’ll regret it forever. So all I can do is try. I’ve started lots of notebooks where I’ve come up with plot ideas, ideas for scences in certain chapters or even in which book as what the project I’m working on is going to be part of a series. I procrastinate alot and sometimes put off sitting down and actually writing. But I’m looking forward to one day finally finishing a whole book!
Wow, this is my favourite blog post of yours yet! Thank you Brynn I needed that extra encouragement, and I know other writers who do as well!
Aww thanks Jessie! I think we all have times when we need a little extra encouragement… I know I do. I’m glad you liked it!
Thank you.
🙂 Thanks for reading, Rachel!
I loved this post. It is so easy to get hung up on “success” but the act of creation can be satisfying in itself.
It really can. Thank you so much, Laurie!
This was a great post for me to read right now! My ultimate goal is to be published in some fashion eventually, but your post today helped reaffirm that I should enjoy the ride, no matter the outcome! Thanks!
Thanks, Erica! Publishing can be a slow process, and it’s easier to stick with it if you’re having fun. 🙂
Ditto on what Erica said., Thanks to Erica for saying what I was going to, but saying it so well that I don’t need to.
I assume, like me, writers do not set out on the pen path to make a squillion. Genuine writers do the biz because they have a ‘need’ to create. I have written 10 novels, many of which are listed on the UK site, Feed-A-Read, where the publishing company is funded by the UK Governments Arts Council. Now, they will freely publish a novel, supply a wide choice of front covers and backs or you can use your own if it is professional. They give the choice of 9″ x 6″ or 8″ x 5″ and … well, visit the site and look at how it works (all free). The author sets the price of sale and where you lay out money is in the ordering of books (like any self-publisher).
I have another book just released by The Wild Rose Press of New York and yet another by Black Rose Writing in Texas. All are variations on a self-publishing theme, that being that they are listed free on Amazon and other selling sites or you, the author, buy copies to distribute yourself.
Writing a best seller and having it published to wide acclaim is nigh on a par with a huge lottery win. Having said that, remember that Dan Brown submitted his best-seller to 15 or so agents and J.P. Rowling to many more without success before a clever, intuitive agent spotted the merit of their books.
Ashamed!!!!!! Not in the bloody least. I love creating a few pages and a few days later, reading them. In my mind, a voice says, “Did you write that? It’s really good. You are a writer, no doubt!”
Lawrence, I knew you’d written some novels, but I didn’t know how many…that is really impressive! And you are so right…so many best-selling authors got passed over again and again before finally making it. I love your last paragraph!! That is awesome. It made my day.
Wow, my husband and I were just talking about this very subject earlier today over coffee. First and foremost, I’m writing my book because I love my story, I love writing, and I love the process…I’ve learned about so many things during this endeavour, from how matches are made to the history of the telephone to what military sabre fighting is like. I desperately want to finish and publish because I owe it to myself and to my characters. But as someone who’s working on her first book, I find that I sometimes feel embarrassed telling people around me what I’m doing because I often get the “nod & smile”:
Me: “I’m currently writing my first book.”
Them: Nodding and smiling with THAT smile…the patronizing kind you might give a child. “Oh, that’s nice. My teenager writes stories, too, and I tell them…”
I’m not a teenager…Goddess help me, sometimes I wish I was! But the seriousness of my project is quickly dismissed because I’m not a REAL author; I’m “dabbling” just like their son/daughter/niece/cousin/etc. What’s funny is that when I told people a while back that I was learning how to read Tarot cards (which I am still doing but less seriously), I got plenty of guinea pig offers… Only one in thirty has expressed any interest whatsoever in my writing effort, much less offered to read the manuscript. Fortune telling is more exciting than reading a book, I guess.
Most of the time, I’m happy that my husband loves my novel and is ultra-encouraging of my commitment to the project. I’m doing it for me, for him, and for my kids (who might benefit from seeing their mother finish writing a book – that’s pretty cool after all, I think). I’m not ashamed of what I’ve chosen to do or what I’m writing about… But I will admit to a degree of frustration that my pursuit of my goal is often belittled. I just have to get over myself and get on with it…which I do. Sorry for the semi-rant here… It’s been a tough few weeks, and the little “doubt gremlins” are partying hard in my head. Thanks for your post, Bryn…I will refer to it often to get my head-space right, I’m sure!!!
Hi, Lisa! Ahh, that is frustrating. Not everybody understands creative pursuits. Also, I think some people have squelched their own creativity, so they can get a little jealous of someone who’s writing. They want to act like it’s something that only naive people and children do. The alternative is to ask themselves why creativity isn’t a part of their life, and not everyone wants to think about challenging questions like that. 🙂
And I think you are so right…prioritizing your writing and finishing a novel is setting a great example to your kids!
Thank you, thank you, thank you 🙂 -Mark
Thank you for reading, Mark!!
Wow. This is a great way to look at it. Thank you so much,
Aw, glad you liked it, Erin!
I’m a new kid on the block. Just started receiving your posts and I love them. I have to say, Bryn, YOU ROCK. Your information is useful, logical, and honest for a naive beginner. I’m seventy-one years old and am working on a book that has been floating around in my head for decades. Of course, it is about love. Love lost, love found and poker. I even get excited just typing those few words in its description. I have written hundreds of poems and short and sweet stories since the eighty’s because I simply love to write. I even surprise myself occasionally. I intend to self-publish. Hope I can jump through all the loops and manage that. Thank you so much for everything that you share. I am grateful!
Hi, Jan! Thanks so much for subscribing to my blog — I am honored. “Love lost, love found, and poker” sounds pretty great! I hope it goes well — and I bet it will!
Great article! I must keep this in my head for when I’m out with my friends who all have high-powered jobs and I get that ‘less-than’ feeling.
Hi, Annabelle! Well, I’ve had somewhat high-powered jobs, and plenty of jobs that were anything but (like serving cocktails, cleaning toilets…haha, the list goes on.) I feel like no matter what, being true to who you are is the most important thing. Thanks for reading!
Great blog! and so true. I am ashamed to admit I’ve been working on a book for 6 years and it still isn’t published. I try to remind myself that I spent the first 4 learning how to write a publishable novel, and to be honest, still am learning. Perseverance seems to be the magic word 🙂
Hey there! Okay, so honestly… 6 years is nothing. I mean, it’s not nothing. But it’s common. I spent way longer than that figuring out how to finally finish a novel! One of my favorite romance authors wrote 6 novels before she wrote one that got published. And she’s so talented! If it were easy, everyone would be doing it. 🙂
Yes, Yes, Yes, and YES. I’m going to share this with my creative writing students. We write for ourselves. Or at least, the best writers do. We need to write the story that comes from within us, not the story that an editor or publisher tells us ‘could be successful’ (I’ve been told to write with a vampire in the story, then it will get more attention, or a serial killer, etc.). We writers are long on shame and short on pats on the back. We believe in our words! We write from the heart and soul! How many others can talk about the hours spent on their craft, their passion, their love? Thanks for this fabulous reminder of why we write. No matter what.
Thank you!! And I hate the idea of writing to the next hot trend…I figure, look, by the time I’m finished, it won’t be the hot new trend any more, and if I don’t care about it, it’s not going to be any good, anyway. You know? I love your post and how you’ve worded this! Thank you for commenting!
Thank YOU. And I’m smiling at your common sense approach of “by the time I finish the ‘hot new trend’ it will be over.” Haha – One of my books took a year to write, and three years to publish. Another book took seven years to write, and one to publish. Hot trends turned cold, hot again, and then back to cold. 🙂
Great post, having just released my first book (self-published), I am experiencing the whole range of emotions.
Alethea, congratulations! If you’re anything like me, having your baby out there in the world can make you feel a little naked (actually, it can make me feel more than naked…like my skin is off!) But that’s a huge accomplishment and you should be so proud!
Yes, it feels very raw and vulnerable. Thank you for the well wishes. 🙂
Hi Alethea, I write because my mind’s eye sees stories everywhere. If I didn’t publish, they’d still be in my head. So I continue to put them on paper. My book doesn’t move unless I offer it for free or for 99 cents, yet I remain positive. Thanks for this encouragement!
One reason so many writers self-shame is because of stuff they read in blogs and elsewhere — once you self-publish, you need to be businesslike or you will fail; most self-published books sell fewer than 100 copies, which means they fail. No one wants to fail, so when their books don’t sell, it means they’ve failed, and therefore should quit. Thanks for saying something different and positive!
Thank You, Thank You, Thank You for this Beautiful message!!! Now I feel the need to blog about this, too – and share the link to your post. 🙂
I self-published my first novel (under my Real name) a few years ago, and I’m not ashamed to say that it only sold 3 copies. Sure, I was hoping for at least 100, but I didn’t really care about the sales. I wrote the book because it was a story I felt needed to be told. It would have been nice if it had sold more copies, and I think that deep down we all would like that kind of encouragement. But does it really matter when you compare it to the JOY and EXHILARATION we feel while we are writing the story? I say No, it doesn’t. I write because I feel that’s what I was meant to do. I write because it fills a spot in my soul that can’t be filled by anything else. I write because if I didn’t, my existence on this Earth would be pointless.
Hi! My name is Robin Rafferty, and I’m a Shameless Writer!
Okay, I just posted about this. You can find it Here. Any comments would be Appreciated. 🙂
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this post! I’m fighting back tears because I’ve always felt so much embarrassment over my writing, even when it’s been well-received, because I was never able to turn it into something lucrative. This was exactly what I needed to read right now!
Thanks so much for sharing on this sensitive topic. I talked to my psychiatrist about this very issue last week. I should have written a check to you instead!
Thank you so much for this blog post!