Hi, friends! Here’s a post about how to “show, don’t tell” in writing, and in romance novels or other fiction that contains romance in particular. In my book Master Lists for Writers, I have a list of 50 ways to show attraction between characters, but this goes into a few in more detail.
I didn’t post last week because I had a vacation in Miami to attend a friend’s wedding. That inspired this post! I don’t usually post about friends, but I’m hoping they don’t mind, since their wedding was a ridiculously beautiful, joyous, and romantic occasion.
First, a little backstory! I first met my friend’s now-husband at a party. They hadn’t been dating long, but immediately, I noticed how he was staring at her in rapt adoration.
As a romance writer, I looove this kind of thing. So I basically started staring at him staring at her. And at one point, I thought to myself, “He is going to notice me staring at him like a creep.” But then I realized that he wouldn’t, because he was too busy staring at her.
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My friend is Colombian-American and grew up in Miami. Her beloved is a white guy from Kansas. My conversation with his mother led me to believe that he didn’t grow up doing a lot of dancing. On this wedding weekend, it quickly became apparent that my friend and her family love to dance… and her groom had learned how.
Seeing them dancing together the night before in a club in Little Havana where we all did shots of some kind of liquor I didn’t catch the name of, and seeing their choreographed first dance to a medley of Latin music at the wedding reception, was a beautiful thing. So was hearing the vows he’d written for her, which included a little Spanish.
This brings us to the first great way to show that your character is in love.
1. They learn about something that matters to the other person.
It could be more than one thing, like in my example above. He could be learning about and adapting to her whole culture. Or it could be more simple, like a woman learning a little about yoga or 18th century literature because her new girlfriend is into it.
This isn’t to say that people who love each other need to have all the same interests. For instance, Mr. Donovan knows that I’m never going to become interested in American football, and I don’t expect him to watch Supernatural with me. I do respect his game-watching time, and he accepts that the cast of Supernatural are more or less honorary family members of ours, and it works out fine.
2. They notice and remember little details about the other person.
Let’s say he has a crush on the new guy at the office. He might happen to tell a co-worker, “He leaves at 5:10 every day.” The co-worker wonders why this guy is so dang observant.
Or your hero might notice that the woman he loves has several items of green clothing, and that her perfume smells like lilacs.
3. They make life more convenient for the other person.
This is such an overlooked way to show love. Maybe he arranges for a carriage to pick her up or take her home so she won’t have to ride on the omnibus.
Or maybe she lives in the apartment across the hall. When she bumps into him on the stairs, she mentions that she’s on her way to the store and asks if she can pick up anything for him.
This is an especially great way to establish a happy long-term relationship. He might remind her that she needs to order more contact lenses, or when he’s having a busy week, she might do one of “his” chores.
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It can be especially fun to show that your character has a crush when he or she doesn’t even realize it yet!
Do you have other suggestions for showing that your character is in love? Share them in the comments! And if you aren’t following the blog already, you can do that so you won’t miss future writing posts — there’s a place to sign up below. Thanks for reading, and happy writing!
Thank you so much for posting this. I am currently working on a short story for an upcoming anthology and really need this for this story. Also love that you watch Supernatural too. Love all your blog posts. Thanks for you. Have a great day.
That should have said thanks for your help with my writing. Brain got ahead of my fingers.
Ha, happens to me ALL the time, Juanita 🙂 How awesome that you’re working on a story for an anthology! And ha, I always love connecting with fellow Supernatural fans.
Thanks for sharing, Bryn! I’ll share a link during my next Write it Wednesday — it’s already queued up.
Ahh, thank you so much for sharing, as always! I really appreciate it.
There are so many ways to show someone is in love with someone or, at a minimum, infatuated, whether they realize it or not. When every conversation with a friend turns to him or her talking about the object of their affection, there are strong feelings there.
When a man will give up a planned outing with friends to go visit her grandma with her or when a woman will drop everything she’s planned just to be home to take a call from him when his job has him half way round the world, that’s love.
I’ve used that trick — of everything being about the love interest too. There are also the skewed judgements. “Yes, she is a good driver.” just before the reader has learns that actually she is not at all a good driver. “Oh, her paintings are wonderful. She should sell them for a living.” Then we learn that she has already tried selling them and they wouldn’t sell. “People just don’t apprciate her style.” I like using that technique when writing a 1st person POV.
More subtly, there are the conversations that peter out when the love interest is mentioned, or if he avoids saying something that he really should say because it might hurt her feelings or put her in a bad light.
Even more subtle is word order. Everyone says “Anne and Betsy” and there is good reason for it. If he starts thinking and saying “Betsy and Anne”, his priorities are changing.
He also might, depending on his character, down-play his feelings about her. Less subtle is the jealous snap, but that can be made more interesting if there is actually no obvious (to the reader) reason for the jealousy at all. There has to be a reason in the mind (possibly unconscious mind) of the characater.
Chris! I have never thought about this… the skewed perspective! I LOVE this. Thanks so much for commenting 🙂
Ooooh, that is such a good one, Anne — about them always winding up talking about the person! And I love the grandma example! It’s so funny: when I was writing this post I was thinking you’d probably chime in with something great, and I was right!
Can I just say…I LOVE how inclusive you are. It warms my heart.
These are great examples! Thanks for sharing 🙂
Awww! Thanks, Ivy!
Something I’m trying to do in my current manuscript is show love through touch. I’m not talking sexy fun times either. I’m talking about one person looking for a reason to touch the other. Placing a hand at the small of their back when they reach around them for something. Brushing hair out of their face when the wind blows it in their eyes. Simple things like that.
Oh yeah, I love that, Erin. There are so many little ways to do that… and of course when people have crushes on one another, even the slight contact can have a really big effect on them. Thanks for bringing this up!
Bryn! I literally found this blog due to the search for writing prompts and found the dialogue one! The more I keep clicking the more I keep falling in love with this blog! I have never found a blog that is so helpful to writers! This post in general couldn’t have come at a better time, for I’m writing two characters who are madly in love! Thank you, thank you for existing XD Haha, I couldn’t be anymore grateful for this blog! Keep doing what you’re doing! xo Claudia
Hi Claudia! Oh my goodness, you don’t know how much I appreciate this. You made my day! Follow the blog, if you aren’t already — there’s a place you can sign up below — and then you won’t miss any new posts.
Your story sounds like a lot of fun! Maybe you could share an excerpt sometime (IF you want to!) On the first Wednesday of every month, I do WIP Wednesday where I share a bit from a work in progress, and other people share pieces of what they are working on in the comments… it’s a criticism-free zone! Just a thought 🙂
But anyway, I am SO happy that you like the blog. Thank you so much!
I had a feeling you watched Supernatural… Destiel? Also thank you so much! I just spent two hours using all of this info to write details about my characters to put into my story. This was so helpful!
Thanks for posting 🙂 I especially love that your examples included m/m and f/f not just m/f. I write fanfiction that’s yaoi or slash (m/m) so I appreciate the inclusion.
Btw I love Supernatural too
Loved your post. Its so helpful. Even the comments are so helpful. Find a new regular reader in me. Btw I am workinf on amanuscript about umexpected love between to charcters from different dimensions.
Hi, first time writer here, my book is not romance, but I need to convey a crush between two young characters. (13) They’re a boy and a girl, and they don’t go to school. Any tips on how to show that without making it sappy or making it sound like two adults? Thanks!
Hi, G.A.! To be honest, kid characters are not my strong suit, but I think you could show one of them being nervous around the other, trying to show off in front of the other/impress the other one, or sticking up for the other one if someone else is giving him or her a hard time. Good luck!
Thank you for sharing this! It really helps when im trying to write this short story that my friend is reading and I’m trying to hide the fact that there are two boys crushing on each other and my friend isn’t very… accepting…
Also thank you for having diversity! This post is a few years old but not having heteronormative everything makes me smile 🙂