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40 thoughts on “How to Write a Great Love Scene: My Personal Advice”
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My sex scenes are hilarious but they’re not intended to be, lol. So this is definitely an area I need to study and practice. Thanks for a great post.
That made me laugh, Madison 🙂 Of course I think reading a lot helps… and practice at writing them, like you said!
From my latest novel, set in 19th century, Belfast, Northern Ireland.
The first occasion, when Hermione slipped into the bed beside him, he was practically frigid with shock. Geoffrey Creighton was away in England on business and, being a Friday, the housekeeper was at the Ormeau estate. “I know you have been taken by surprise, Asher, and possibly frightened but to me you are a godsend.” She was whispering while unbuttoning his pyjama top and pulling the chord on the bottoms. When the job was completed, she took his hand and placed it on her full breast. “Geoffrey has not been capable of acting as a husband these past five or ten years and because of his inadequacies has thrown himself into business activities.”
Hermione raised herself on one elbow, leaned over and kissed him in a way he’d never been kissed. Her tongue forced its way into his mouth and that was an erotic signal for his private parts to come alive. In a short time, she had removed his sleeping attire, and he could not think how, when later he went through what had occurred. She slipped her hand down to his groin. “Oh, my Lord, you’re so much bigger than Geoffrey. Here,” She guided his hand to her woman’s area. It was lushly haired and when she directed his fingers inside her vagina, he felt the moist secretion for the first time. “I’m going to get on top of you now. Please don’t reach your pinnacle for a few minutes.” He was as aroused by her heavy breathing as by what she was doing to him.
She moved her voluptuous body onto his, placed a hand between her legs and in a second, he felt a first sensation, he would never forget. Asher slid smoothly inside her and she moaned loudly. “Good God, this is spectacular. Oh, oh, oh.” With each movement back and forth, her voice became more breathless. She sat up, placed her hands on his shoulders and began bouncing up and down. “Oh, this is glorious, Asher. I’ve never had this deep sensation. You can fill me now before I reach my pinnacle.”
He felt her tightening around his manhood and, in turn, a sensation ran from his groin throughout his entire body. He moaned, and for the first time in his short life, apart from twice in dreams, he spurted semen into Hermione. She fell forward onto him. “Aagh, augh, oh, God, this is beautiful.” He could feel, not only her body convulsing, but the throbbing tightening around his dwindling manhood.”
They lay entwined for long minutes before she slid off him. “Have you a kerchief near?” He reached to his night cupboard and passed her the article which she placed between her legs. “I will launder and return it tomorrow.” Hermione used a hand to turn his head to her and kissed his lips tenderly. “I hope your stay here is long, Asher. Now that I have sampled the satisfaction you can give, I will need to do this again when the situation in my household permits. Are you okay?”
In fact, he had been quiet, apart from heavy breathing, throughout the seduction. “Yes. Perhaps a bit shocked but-”
“I really don’t think Geoffrey would care, and it is a shame to let such a wonderful implement lie dormant.” She burst out laughing.
I always feel it is easier to describe the heroine’s enjoyment during sex. How can I do this for the hero without making him look or sound over the top?
Thanks for the great post!
Hi Josie! That’s an interesting question. If you’re writing in the romance genre, it’s fine and even expected for his enjoyment and desire to be at least a little over the top. 🙂 Most romance readers are women, and they like reading about a hero who is absolutely overwhelmed by the experience of being with the heroine! In other genres, the expectation is probably a little different. But in any genre, I think that if you focus not only on what he’s feeling physically but also on what he’s thinking and feeling emotionally, you’ll get the scene where you want it to be. Thanks so much for reading, and for commenting!
I totally agree with you that a sex scene — like all scenes in a novel, really — should advance the plot, reveal character or both. I’d like to add that the characters don’t necessarily have to “go all the way” in every sex scene — a writer can build sexual tension by allowing characters to get into heavy foreplay before being thwarted in some way.
I further agree that characters who fail to use protection (unless a surprise pregnancy is part of the plot) make me lose respect for their judgement. But I’ve also read stories where the moment for birth control feels too obvious and preachy, and kills the atmosphere.
Thanks for your post! As always, you have great ideas to share!
Tamara, that’s such a good point about not every scene needing to go all the way! It really can build tension, as you say. Thank you. 🙂
I’ll have to check out Synonyms for Intimate Parts of the Body. Did you know that thesaurus dot come has no entry for clitoris???
Ha, I did not know that. That’s pretty surprising to me!
Thanks for this. I was taken to task by my readers who expect sex scenes in my books and only got fade to black in the first in the series and a thwarted attempt at intimacy in the second. In the third book, so nervous was I about writing the scenes, I contracted them out.
My sex scene ‘ghostwriter’ did a reasonably decent job but sounded nothing like me. I had to tweak all of the tone. Also, the mechanics of one scene just didn’t work (it is not at all possible to contort oneself that way) so I did a rewrite of that. After that experience, I just started writing the scenes myself. My readers seem to enjoy my efforts…
That is so interesting, Anne… the evolution of how you’ve handled them. I never thought about contracting those out. I guess it would take a pretty skilled ghostwriter to match the tone of the rest of the story. I bet your readers love what you’re doing now. 🙂
I know some romance authors do “fade to black” and some just don’t have any sex, even implied. I think the challenge for romance authors and publishers is to make sure the reader knows what heat level to expect!
Excellent post, as usual! 🙂 I had only one little nit to pick, on the ‘comfortable reading’ point.
It’s not a bad heuristic but I think it keeps a lot of people from experimenting with writing sex. In part, this is because it’s so hard to write well, so it’s hard to find good examples.
Hi Sydney! Thanks so much for reading! I think you and I see things differently… I don’t think it’s particularly hard to write sex well (though probably harder for some than others… we all have our strengths and weaknesses), and I think there’s lots of good examples out there! BUT, I can hardly imagine anything more subjective, and what I think are good examples might be things that you would hate, so there’s that. 🙂 I love hearing alternate viewpoints, so thanks so much for commenting!
I feel obliged to add that Mr. Donovan says I am wrong and sex scenes are hard to write. 😀 So I may have a minority opinion here!
Aloha. :-). Great article thanks. I’m with you. I think sex scenes are easy to write. BUT I love writing them. Getting lost with the characters in their steamy, sexy, connection is gorgeous. And I also feel cheated when a sexy moment fades to black. Lol. I want ALL the parts of the relationship between people. And good sex is part of a good relationship. But by the same token – if you’re not comfortable as a writer – don’t use them. Write what makes your soul sing. There is something out there for everyone. Aloha and thanks. Meg Amor. 🙂
Hi Meg! Ah, you and I feel the same way about writing them, and I love how you worded it. Thanks for commenting!
My earlier post, where I inserted a snippet from a novel, was a sex scene (the only one in a story of 135,000 words). It was not love, rather lust between a frustrated, honorable woman and an innocent, unaffected young man. These two people eventually do love each other but it is a love based on mutual respect and not physical union. I do not write this type of thing as a rule but it was, I felt, essential to the development of the plot. A sex scene is a sex scene; making love is something different altogether.
I have written a few sex scenes in my novel but they do lead up to my characters reason for the way she is later in the book. I also have made sure I included her partners emotions for some part and how the news affected him. I have drawn on some of my own personal experiences writing it. I have looked at it as a kind of personal therapy for me.
I think that sounds like a really good approach, Nicole. I draw on my own experiences, too… though most of what I write is very fictional, I think the personal things that work their way into it give it more depth.
Great post, Bryn.
My published romances are online fan fictions in a pre-industrial fantasy setting, but I’m HUGE on consent—and “safe sex,” via smoothly integrated comments like “no health issues to report” and “I’ve had my herbs” by Janelle in Courage, My Heart. Prince Duncan’s such a gentleman that he asks “Can I kiss you again?” even though Georgie’s already pulled most of Duncan’s clothes off.
Some of my intimate scenes are “behind closed doors” and alluded to, some are casually mentioned after the fact, some are mature, and some are explicit.
Believability: Some fanfic writers use magic barriers like contemporary condoms, but that just makes me laugh and ruins the mood. Yet I love how contemporary novelists like Lizbeth Selvig seamlessly integrate condoms into intimate scenes—they can make steamy exploration even more fun.
Consent is sexy! One of the reasons I like Elizabeth Hoyt’s Dearest Rogue and Sweetest Scoundrel better than her Thief of Shadows is the resounding yes! of consent in the first two, while Thief of Shadows includes at least two dub-con (dubiously consensual) scenes, one for the man and one for the woman. It’s in-character for that story, but I can’t fall head-over-heels for anything that’s dub-con or non-con.
My terminology varies depending on the point-of-view: my mature healers tend to use medical terms without ruining the mood, while my younger characters think in euphemisms and feelings. I use some vernacular terms for male anatomy below the belt—it’s in-character—but not for female, because they’re so often used to degrade women.
My characters talk about sex, love making, and the f-word. Most of what I’ve published online so far is F/M because it revolves around Ferelden’s royal family and their friends, but I also have gay characters and bi- and pan-sexual characters, some who have already let us “see” into their bedroom.
OK DAFan, I am going crazy here, because I LOVE Thief of Shadows with all my heart and I am usually really intolerant of dubcon… aghghghgh, what did I gloss over?! I’m going to have to go back and figure it out! It’s absolutely possible that I liked the story so much I let some things slide, though! I think readers do that all the time.
Yeah, it’s tricky with words for female genitalia, for the reason you said. None of those words sound offensive to me… they all sound fine to me in a sexy context. But I know many readers feel differently.
I love your approach to consent and safe sex! “Prince Duncan’s such a gentleman that he asks “Can I kiss you again?” even though Georgie’s already pulled most of Duncan’s clothes off.” See, things like that make me melt. But I just really like your aesthetic in general. Thanks for the thoughtful comments!
It’s okay to love the story to pieces! Don’t let me ruin your love. It’s a good Hoyt book. The beginning really grabbed me, and how she figures out who he is before he takes off the mask. They have a lovely happily ever after.
The two scenes I was thinking about were: (1) she takes advantage of him behind the curtain at the party when he’s hesitant and there’s no safe way for him to say no, and (2) after he joins her household staff and later shows up in her room uninvited (then abruptly leaves when he’s done with her). Those scenes didn’t light my fire, but if they float your boat, that’s great! The masked kiss at the opera(?) was definitely consensual, and all the more hot for both the social danger and risk to his life and limb.
Oh yeah, I didn’t see it that way, but I can see what you mean, too!
I think I love that one in particular because Winter is such an unusual hero. Ms. Hoyt told me that Spock from Star Trek influenced his character a bit… he has his emotions so tamped down and controlled at the beginning.
any tips on writing sex scenes when you haven’t had sex? I’m a minor at present, but i do like a good romance with a bit of steam involved. all the tips and tricks i’ve ever used are stolen from books ive read…
any advice coming from previous experience would be much appreciated… and even advice as to whether i should be writing sex scenes…
…Maybe I should just stick to kisses?!?!?!?!?! XD
Hi BB, great question! We don’t have to experience something to write about it. Hey, I’m never been in a spectacular fight, and it doesn’t stop me from writing spectacular fight scenes. 🙂 If you’re going to do it, I think what you’re doing — learning from what you read — is the way to go. It’s not really stealing if you’re just using basic information to craft your own scene.
Whether you should be writing them at all is a question that only you can answer. I personally don’t see the harm in it. If it starts to make you feel weird, or you feel like you’re only doing it because it’s expected in a romance, then you should probably stick to kisses… plenty of popular authors do. 🙂
Good luck with your writing!
That was really helpful, thanks so much!
I don’t feel super comfortable reading sex scenes. And I feel like ok, they screwed, we had to read how many pages about this? And how did it move the story along when just a mention of sex would do the same?
Just me I guess lol. I don’t think I personally would want to write a sex scene, but thats just me!!
I’ve gone back and forth with whether I will write a sex scene in my current story. They’re a married couple, but it’s a marriage of convenience. I’m writing from the male perspective instead of the female (I plan on going back and writing the female later), and my main male character is not engaged in the marriage at all, so I feel like it would be a “get it over with” mentality. But having sex is kind of a big deal in my character’s world because he needs an heir – the continuation of his line and hold of his lands is dependent on having a son. I am not uncomfortable reading or writing these scenes, but I do have a lot of conservative friends and family who are reading my story, and I know they would be disappointed or offended. So I’m torn – write a story that is real to married life and the setting of the story? Or respect my current readers?
Do I write the scene and just send it to my friends who would be ok with reading it? Or just hold onto it and add it in later when I’m closer to completing the story?
HI Erin! It sounds like you’ll at least need a little bit there to illustrate your characters’ differing attitudes, because they are important to the story. If you don’t feel completely comfortable writing a full sex scene, what about the beginning stages and then a fade to black… and then show the characters afterward? 🙂 I really think it should be about what you’re comfortable with and what the story needs, and I don’t think your friends and family should have a vote. But I know that’s easy for me to say, right? Good luck with your story!
How would writing a coercion sex scene be like? I’m having trouble with it…
Hi Lisual! I only write scenes with very willing participants, so I can’t help with a coercion scene.
A seduction scene is different… that’s where one person really wants to do it, the other person hasn’t given it a lot of thought yet, and the person who really wants to do it is making their intentions clear and appealing. S/he might be doing this through the way s/he dresses (or undresses), the suggestive things s/he says, through actions and body language (such as sitting very close, a lingering stare), treating the other person to luxuries… and then being an amazing kisser. Good luck!
Thank you!
A seduction scene could be a base in all of this, since it’s kind of similiar to what I’m writing.
Sounds like fun! 🙂
I have found with the manuscript that I’m working on, two distinct ways to write sex scenes. My character, Hanni, is raped by a guard while a prisoner at Auschwitz and when I wrote that particular scene, I left out all reference to anything such as intimate body parts or anything erotic. Instead, I focused on her frame of mind and how she reacts to the violence. I wanted it to be more about how it affects her emotionally and mentally. That being said, later when she starts to fall for the doctor who saves her life after the war, I wrote two different sex scenes. The first is more of her approaching him in an effort to regain some power over her own sexuality back. However, because of the violence she suffers in the camp, she is unable to fully realize her goal. The second scene is where after being married for a year, her husband gently makes love to her to consummate the marriage and this is where she finally begins to put the past behind her somewhat. I found by approaching the language in each scene with the emotion leading up to it, each scene took on a completely different life than the others. For anyone writing such a powerful story, I recommend you let the emotion of the character and what they are feeling, hoping, trying to deny, lead you where the scene needs to go. Some may be short and sweet, others, like the consummation scene, will be much more involved and emotional. Also, shy away from saying things like, felt, angry, happy, sad. Instead, show the emotion, tears, prickly sensation, warmth, etc.
You have a lot of great advice here, Sarah! I haven’t ever written a rape scene (and probably never will), but I think it would have a lot more in common with a scene where someone is beaten up or tortured than with a consensual sex scene. For sex scenes, I totally agree that honing in on the emotion is the most important thing.
On my previous comment, I forgot to mention, I used your 500 Great Words for Writing Love Scenes and Synonyms for Intimate Parts of the Body. Great resources!!! Thank you!!
I did too! Bryns book is fantastic for assisting you with finding the right words. It’s the best resource I have found so far. Thanks Bryn!
Aww, thank you, both of you! I really appreciate that and I’m so glad those were helpful!!
I write adult short stories. Sometimes I just throw what I have in mind and come back on it later to have a different point of view.
My mother tongue is French and I got my first book published at my own expense. I now have three books started, one is adult short stories, the second is an erotic novel and the last one is a thriller (I think that’s how it’s called in English but I’m not sure).
I need to figure out a writing ritual so I can actually get them published too. I haven’t work in two of my books in 6 months and the other one since a month or so.
I’m just starting on a novel and was wondering how to deal with historical novels and sex scenes. As I am writing a novel based in Sudoku Japan, and would like to be as close to reality as I can be.