In the past few months, I’ve gotten a couple of compliments that I never used to get before. Three people referred to me as a “ray of sunshine” (that exact phrase), and two people called me a “powerhouse.”
I was super pleased about both of these, which is probably why I’m writing a post about them. I’m basically just bragging here. But it’s okay, because in a minute, I’m going to ask you to do the same!
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As a young person, I was… well, not a “ray of sunshine.” As I recall it, I was often depressed, reluctant to interact, and quick to argue when I did. I think I love this compliment so much because I’ve come a long way.
I love “powerhouse” for the same reason. I feel like I’ve grown more confident about starting new things and heading up projects. And because I’m not depressed, I just have a lot more energy.
Besides, who doesn’t like to be told they’re powerful? It’s not a standard compliment.
This has gotten me thinking about how to recognize the best things in others and how to build them up. I know from my own experience just how powerful a compliment can be. It can turn a dismal day right around, and it can even make a person see himself or herself in a whole new light. Sometimes, the right words at the right time can make all the difference.
Besides compliments that let us know how far we’ve come, I think we also love to hear things that we value about ourselves, but that other people don’t seem to appreciate all that much.
My husband takes really good care of the yard, and I’m somewhat oblivious to it, probably because I’ve never operated a lawn mower in my life. It took me a while (okay, years and years) to realize that I should compliment him on how great the yard looked.
Obviously, we appreciate compliments more when they are unqualified. Forget “You write good battle scenes for a woman,” “You look great for your age,” or “You’re a ray of sunshine, especially compared to how moody you used to be.” Just go with, “You write good battle scenes,” “You look great,” and “You’re a ray of sunshine!”
The best compliments of all probably line up with our hopes for ourselves. They make us think, “I don’t know if that’s true,” but we really want it to be. And then we up our game.
What are some of the best compliments you’ve ever gotten? And what are compliments you wish you would get? If you’ve ever gotten an unwelcome compliment, I’d love to hear all about that, too.
Thanks for reading, and by the way, you’re an inspiration and you have a great smile.
Usually people tell me I’m funny, they like my sense of humor.
I recently got a nice behind-my-back compliment related to me by a third party. An author I met at RT, just for a few hours one night, read some of my writing. She told me she thought it was great then and there, which I appreciated, but then I found out the next day she was telling her agent about me, and how good it was. I’m still surprised and flattered about that, two weeks later.
Wow! That is a compliment — when someone recommends your work to someone else. That’s awesome Paige.
RT looked like so much fun — I really need to go sometime!
Great article. I think the best compliment I’ve ever received was from my youngest son. During a conversation with a good friend of mine he made the comment that I was the smartest person he knew. I was blown away and so proud! No matter what else I may achieve in this life, my two sons are the absolute best accomplishments.
Oh my gosh, Yvonne — that’s really touching! And I’m not at all surprised — you always have smart things to say 🙂
The one compliment I get the most is how strong I am which is hard to swallow when I’m feeling like I’m anything BUT.
Oof, yeah, I can see that, April. And sometimes the expectation to be strong all the time isn’t all that helpful… <3
Like Bryn said. I think it’s even worse for women, as they’re expected to be the one who keeps the ‘happy-happy-joy-joy’ mentality in the family dynamic when things go sideways. It’s one of those many unfairly burdensome, tacit ‘duties’ she’s supposed to do when everything is shiteville.
If you’ve been to hell and back, and are still taking each new breath without remorse, then that’d fall under the definition of ‘strength’ or ‘strong’. Obviously those folks are seeing something there, right? They can’t all be just making it up, I’m sure.
Oh absolutely. Sometimes we’re strong because it’s the only choice we have. It does feel good when someone says they admire my strength.
I get a lot of compliments about my hair, but I’ve kinda got deadened to them now. I like being told my writing is good – even with modifiers! – and that happens every once and a while. 🙂
Oh yeah, I can hardly say how much I love compliments on my writing! I know what you mean about familiar praise losing its impact.
Thanks for reading and commenting, Kellyn (as always)!
Flattery is like chewing gum. Enjoy it but don’t swallow it.
–Hank Ketcham
(I have this one printed out on a piece of paper hanging over my writing work desk. Kinda keeps me grounded, so I don’t start believing the hype and praise when it’s coming at me here and there, and then months without a kind word and/or review. It reminds me in a ‘no bs’ manner that, while the praise/positive reviews in regards to one’s latest work is nice and may even boost the old confidence level in your craftsmanship, none of it places ass in chair and writes the next bit of work to be sent out into the world for all to see
The best compliment I’ve ever had was being compared to Candy Dulfer (really good dutch saxophonist) and John Coltrane (really good american saxophonist) in once sentence… That was amazing, it was just after I’d played in a musical competition. And a lot of people tend to make compliments about my hair.
Hey, I didn’t know you played the saxophone, Kiete. I admit I hadn’t heard of Candy Dulfer, but I’m a big Coltrane fan… that’s an awesome compliment!
I’m a huge jazzophile, blues and classic soul and R and B collector. Some of my favorite labels are Sun Records, Motown, Goldwax, Atlantic/Chess, etc., etc. And I love, love, love Coltrane. My faves by him are “A Love Supreme”, “My Favorite Things”, “Soultrane”, “Impressions”, “Crescent” just to name a few.
But my favorite jazz musician is Miles Davis. Also love Clifford Brown and Charlie ‘Bird’ Parker, and about a hundred others. HA!
Always nice to meet another jazz music fan.
Fun question! This changes often, but one I really liked was when a writing teacher complimented my gentle sense of humor and said I was like a female, urban Garrison Keillor. I also had one of my world history students say she learned more about writing from me than any of her composition instructors. In fairness to them, they have more types of writing to cover than I did (mostly textual analysis and persuasive essays).
Kimberly, it seems like if the other composition instructors had more to cover than you, it’s even better that she learned the most from you! That is really gratifying. And what great feedback from your writing teacher!
Total honesty here: I definitely love getting compliments on my intelligent or wit, mostly because I’m fairly confident in those areas so it strokes my ego. I never really craved compliments on my looks in the past (attractiveness being so subjective), but I accepted them graciously because I DID think I was pretty myself at that time. But after gaining 80lbs in the past couple of years I have to say I miss them. I didn’t realize I was vain at all in that way until people started looking right through me instead of noticing me. Wow I am not coming off very well in this comment but whatever- the self-absorbed train has already left Shallow Station so Imma keep chugging along. Let’s see…I definitely love compliments on my writing because it encourages me to keep writing whenever I’m discouraged and start to feel like I have no original thoughts to offer.
OH YEAH, once I wrote an article and a random stranger complimented it, then said “by the way, until I clicked your profile I thought this was written by an extremely sassy gay man”. I was like- I’ll take it!
Michele, I don’t think it’s shallow. At all. Orrr if it is, then make room on the Superficial Express, I guess, 🙂 because compliments about my looks mean more to me now than they did when I was a twenty-something.
Writing compliments are like fuel that keep me going. 🙂
You genuinely are gorgeous and a savvy, honest, insightful writer.
The most cherished compliment I ever got was in a review of a scientific paper I published. It was more about the work than about me, but still … The reviewer said the work was ‘obvious in retrospect’.
Well of course it was about you Niel, you did the work 🙂 That is a great compliment!
I love this post! <3 Ty so much for writing it. My favorite compliment: being called a lioness (I am a Leo, hehe, but still…wow. I was so honored). My least favorite compliment: 'too smart for your own good.' where intelligence is implied as a problematic state or liability. /frownyface
The awesome thing about sunshine? It comes from the burning soul of a STAR. Talk about a powerhouse! So, shine on! <3
Oh my gosh A.E., YOU ARE a lioness! That is perfect!
“Too smart for your own good” — ugh. That’s ridic.
And you are way way too kind, but that is always true!!
Bryn, you’ve got gumption. It’s one of the things I love about you. (I thought of that particular word because of Iris in the 2006 movie The Holiday.) Your smile in your profile pic is brilliant, too.
I don’t have a favorite compliment, but here’s an example of a great one and why it works. A wonderful person took the time to comment on one of my Dragon Age fan fictions on Archive of Our Own (AO3):
“Read your stories and loved them. Brillant<3 Awaiting for the Cullen story.”
Wham! They read my work! They loved my work! They found it “brilliant!” I got a *heart* for it! And—drum roll, please—they are looking for more! In three short sentences they captured all the good that we can do through comment sections. Longer positive comments are welcome, clicking the Kudos button as a guest without a username is an awesome boost to my day, too, but this “small” comment let me know I’ve added enjoyment to a person’s life and encouraged me to write more.
Awww DA! “Gumption” 😀 I love it! You are too kind!
Aw man, that’s a fantastic writing compliment! I think not everybody on those boards realizes how much a comment can mean — lots of people read stories and think, “Wow, that was great” and never say so. But it’s so great when they do!
So far, this year, the greatest compliment I’ve gotten is that a story I turned in for a themed anthology so disturbed one of the editorial staff that he had to stop reading it and come back to it the next day. And apparently, if he wasn’t just being overly generous with his praise, he actually had a nightmare because of what he read during the first run. He claims he didn’t sleep the rest of the night.
Oh my goodness Nick! You know, it’s so funny — I’m working on my second ghost romance story now, and people say they are a little scary. They never seem that scary to me, but I guess that’s because I’m the one who made it up! 😀
Thanks for reading, and for commenting!
No problem, and thanks for inviting me into the conversation. I actively avoid all message boards these days, since the past shocklines.com debacles I witnessed and even became a troll target a time or two during my years hanging on there. Hell, I was even the fiction group moderator (and a happy participant) for years until I just couldn’t deal with the negativity and flamewars and trolldom issues on the main board. Miss the writing group and the camaraderie still; but the fights and pettiness was just too exhausting and a huge timesuck for a pro writer. But I can proudly say that almost every member from back then are all published authors/poems/editors now. Very gratifying to see their hard work and the honing of their skills in the group paid off for almost everyone, including myself. Some writing groups can be more a hindrance than help, but mine was definitely helpful if the published ex-members are any indication.
Hi Bryn, this is my first comment on your blog. I’ve been following you for a couple of months now and I really like your blog, and you’re definitely a ray of sunshine!:) your blog posts inspire me so much, and they’re so helpful. I’m working on my first novel right now, and I’m facing a big problem. Apart from the writer’s block that often frustrates me and pisses me off, how do I write about a place where I’ve never been? I mean, the setting of my novel is in Italy, and I’m writing a contemporary romance. I don’t want to bother you, but if you’d suggest me something or post something on your blog related to this I’d appreciate it a lot!:) thanks a lot in advance.
– M. K
ps., even in writing under a pen name, and the initials coincide with my real name..;)
Hi Manisha! Thanks for reading the blog, and thank you so much for commenting! That is such a good topic you raise, and I do have some thoughts about it. You’re not bothering me about it at all! I’ll try to write something up in the next couple of weeks 🙂
Good luck on your romance — how lovely that it’s set in Italy! I think a lot of readers like to be whisked away to somewhere completely new in a book — I know I do. So even if the setting is a challenge, it’s an advantage, too. 🙂
Thank you for the kind words!
I’ve been told that I “can get away with murder”, by a teacher in high school, and that I “know just enough to be dangerous” by my ex-best-friend (back when she was still tricking me into thinking we were friends).
I’m a mousy, dowdy, quiet, unobtrusive person who’s uncomfortable with too much attention. But there’s a lot going on beneath the surface that a lot of people wouldn’t see coming. (Classic case of still waters running deep–I’m even a Pisces.) So these were both very flattering for me to hear. I like to think that I’m very clever, and I’ve been told that I’m a skilled writer. So I certainly hope it’s all true. I hope I’m unexpected and enigmatic.