A year or two ago, someone in one of my writing groups told me she didn’t like to smile too much because of the gap between her front teeth. I pointed out that some extremely attractive celebrities have imperfect teeth, such as Anthony Mackie…
and Tom Hardy.
I understood how she felt, though. When I was growing up, my parents didn’t have enough money for braces, either. My bottom teeth are crooked, and I have an overbite, so my top teeth jut out. All through high school and college, I tried to do the tight, closed-mouth smile, especially in photos. Sometimes I would forgo the smile altogether and just try to look smart and interesting (similar to the expression of my dog Clio in the first photo there.)
When I got engaged to Mr. Donovan after three weeks of dating, he started taking lots of pictures of me. He never really stopped. Seriously, I am photographed more than Kim Kardashian and Kate Middleton combined. I started noticing that the pictures of me with a huge smile always looked better.
Now I smile basically all the time. It comes naturally to me, although I tried to suppress it before. I may have a malocclusion (a charming word I learned from my dentist), lower teeth as crooked as insider traders, and small eyes that practically disappear when I smile big, but I’ll tell you what: my whole face lights up, and nobody can resist. That’s not bragging on my part. All genuine smiles are that way.
It’s awful to be afraid to smile, because smiles can do so much. The can put other people at ease, or make them feel happier. They can actually make you feel happier.
(This doesn’t mean, by the way, that it’s okay for men to order women to smile. Men who say they’re “just being friendly” by doing this should, logically, say it just as often to random men on the street–and if they do, they should get it on video, because I would love to see that. Like so many other good things, smiles shouldn’t be coerced.)
Although I learned to embrace my smile long ago, I still hated my voice. I think most people do. We cringe when we hear a recording of ourselves. God. Do I really sound like that?
I have a high, girlish voice, and I sound a little dreamy when I talk. It’s the kind of voice that gets made fun of a lot. A ‘cool’ woman’s voice is lower. I have a little bit of a rural twang that becomes more pronounced when I’m sleepy. Some people like to mimic a rural or Southern accent when mocking people they think are stupider than themselves (“Murrica!”)
I never saw any benefit of a high-pitched voice until I discovered ASMR videos. They reminded me that voices not so different from my own could sometimes trigger a physiological response that alleviated anxiety and made me feel dramatically better. I’ve just started writing book 2 of my paranormal trilogy, and the heroine understands the power of her high, gentle voice.
Still, I derided the way I talk, often saying that I sounded like a 12-year-old girl from Kentucky who just smoked a bunch of weed. Not too long ago, one of my online friends who had met me in real life took exception to this description: “No way! Bryn’s voice is like smoked honey, if that’s a thing.” Another woman in the group who had also met me chimed in: “That’s it!”
I told them they were out of their minds.
Nonetheless.
Have you ever gotten a specific, beautiful compliment that transformed your thinking? Smoked honey. Here is the power of an arresting word choice, even if you suspect it is wildly inaccurate. Suddenly, when I talked, I felt like I wasn’t terrible to listen to. I didn’t feel like I should talk faster, or just shut up, in order to spare everyone.
I’ve been working with a few other wonderful people on a video based on a poem I wrote. The first recording of me reading the poem was rushed and not very good. I planned to recruit a friend of mine who does a lot of voice work to read the poem instead. But after I got this compliment about my voice, I re-recorded the poem. It was absolutely not perfect, but it was so much better.
None of us should feel like our voice is a problem. We don’t have to sound like news anchors or professional actors. We sound fine. Our voice is perfect for expressing our particular ideas and feelings.
Your attitude toward your voice and your smile are so intrinsic to how you feel about yourself and about life. Go ahead and love them. Nobody can stop you.
Oh WOW. Just WOW. I have a truly bizarre-o smile. I, too, heard the malocclusion word from my dentist. And, let’s also talk about laughs. In my younger days, a girl said that the first time she heard me laugh, she thought I was, um, delayed. Another person described my laugh as a machine gun. I think it is more like a woodpecker, and that is me being generous to me.
I LOVE the smoked honey description of your voice, and I agree that it is accurate!
I am currently in the process of retelling the story of my life, to get the narrative right. To make it accurate and also true to my own experience, and not biased by unfair, cruel self judgements. Because how I tell the story of me not only reflects me, it influences and creates me.
I am going to add your ideas of embracing my smile and my voice (and my laugh) to the story of me. I swear, you are a treasure, Stacey. The goodness you share is valuable beyond words. Wise, well-informed, smart, original and brilliant. So, thank you.
What the…people say the damnedest things. You have a great laugh! Of course, I might be partial to big loud laughs like mine! Hahaha. Thank you so much for the kind words, Jeannie – you are always too nice!
Great post. Anna Paquin is a female celebrity who is known to have a tooth gap 🙂
Oh yes, that’s right! And she’s lovely! ~ Thanks for the kind words, and thanks so much for reading!
Excellent post! My teeth are crooked as well, and for years I hated my smile. I never let anyone take pictures of me because I felt so hideous. And when I smiled in public I always tried to keep my mouth closed. But it always looked more smirky than smiley. Then I realized that the people who really liked me, the ones who enjoyed my company? They just wanted me to smile because I was happy. They weren’t looking at my teeth. They were looking at how happy my face looked. And that meant a lot!
But look at what a great smile you have! It’s funny — I guess everyone sees their own “imperfections” or whatever, even when nobody else notices them. You have the perfect picture for your blog, by the way. It’s just happy and radiant 🙂
I hate, HATE the way I look when I smile with teeth showing. And it’d weird because there is nothing “wrong” with my teeth- I like them fine. I just don’t like the way my face looks. So I always do the tight-lipped smile… I should work on that, probably. p.s. You do have a wonderfully contagious smile- I love your selfies. They are very hard to look at without smiling myself. 🙂
Aww that’s so nice! I figured you just wanted to be mysterious and smoking hot in your selfies? Which, you know, mission accomplished. 🙂
*blushes*
If you don’t stop making me cry, I’m going to stop reading your blog. (Not really…I love this blog.) 🙂
I don’t just hate my smile, I haaaaaaaate it. I’ve always wondered what life would be like if I’d had a nice, socially acceptable, straight smile while growing up. I’ve even considered getting braces at my age, but I guess I’m more scared of pain than I am of keeping the crooked smile. I’m pretty self conscious about my voice, too, and I’ve had that exact thought of, “Ugh, you should really just be quiet, Self.”
I’ve always thought you have a gorgeous smile! And your voice, too…it surprises me that it used to bother you, because it’s great! I don’t think I’ve ever detected any kind of accent from you, but I find southern drawls to be relaxing. I know an attorney with a great, lulling, almost hypnotic southern accent, and juries are like putty in his hands.
As for laughter, like jhund mentioned…my own kid told me how awful and embarrassing my laugh is. It was a real confidence booster, let me tell you. lol.
Oh my gosh. You have such a great smile, though. And a wonderful laugh! Kids are embarrassed by all kinds of random things, right? I can’t hear you laugh without laughing myself.
I think you’re stunning, and I don’t mean that in a weird or creepy way at all. You exude elegance. When I met you, I was instantly at ease which is rare for me. I was so happy to have the chance to meet you this week.
I had a funny moment where I was passing a few minutes with a friend of mine and I said, “Oh look, RWA got the back of my head in one of the pictures they posted online.” I waited a beat and added, “The back of my head is much better than the front.”
My friend looked at me, blinked, and then laughed heartily while saying “That is not true!! The front of your head is just as good as the back!”
Heh. We’re all our own worst critics. Maybe we should try to give ourselves a break once in a while. 😉
Aww this is the nicest thing ever. I was SO GLAD to get to meet you in person! And it was just the same for me — I usually feel shy but I didn’t feel that way around you at all! – and your friend is right, stop saying such nonsense 🙂 Your face is a huge improvent to any picture!
A person is more beautiful when they’re smiling so keep smiling. But I can certainly imagine you acting like Clio, it made me laugh. I’m sure you looked interesting.
Your voice? Then I might envy you because you might be a soprano.
I have a low voice, Alto, and it’s really hard for me to sing high notes, so I’m working really hard to widen my range. I’m proud I can now sing Let It Go by Idina Menzel and Chandelier by Sia.