Lately I’ve been thinking about how age is only about half biological reality, and half a social construct. It’s something that we perform. Satchel Paige famously said,
How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
Paige did not perform his chronological age. He began his very long baseball career in the Negro Leagues. In 1948, at the age of 42, he began playing for the Cleveland Indians—one of the first players of color in the desegregating major leagues. This was a long time ago, and some scientists believe that our rate of biological aging has slowed down in recent years. Also, Paige didn’t have access to our modern medical advances.
It’s worth noting that this was ten years after he sustained such a serious shoulder injury that doctors told him he would never pitch again. He played until he was 47. And then, when he was 59, he pitched a game for the A’s. It was a publicity stunt…but he was still really good.
I believe that by performing older ages, we often limit our potential.
I hear people say all the time that they’re too old to learn some kind of technology or to understand a social network. Of course, this is nonsense. All it takes to figure these things out is the willingness to try things out and make a lot of mistakes—it’s the same as when we’re learning anything. We can learn new things throughout our adult lives, and it’s way better for our brains if we do.
Even the biological facts of aging seem somewhat mutable, as Ellen Langer’s fascinating psychological studies suggest. I strongly recommend getting your mind blown by this New York Times article about her work, “What If Age Is Nothing But a Mindset?”
When people 40 and up have an ache or a pain, or forget something, they’re likely to say, “See, I’m getting older.” But when a younger person forgets something, she might say, “God, I’m such a flake sometimes.” When she has aches or pains, she might think, “Ugh, bodies are weird.”
I’ve heard people say they are too old to go dancing, start a new career, leave a miserable marriage and date again—the list goes on and on.There are a few things you probably can’t do as, say, an over-30 person, such as become a world champion figure skater if you don’t know how to ice skate yet. (You could probably still become good enough to impress everyone at the local rink, if that’s what you’re into.) But most things are still on the table.
If performing an older age is so limiting, why do so many of us do it? Mostly, we’re believing the stories we as a society have chosen to tell ourselves about aging. Often, these stories are told in order to make us feel bad so we’ll buy various products.
Maybe we’re scared of people laughing at us if we’re doing something “young” when we’re not supposed to be young any more–but, you know, forget em. They’re just jealous, anyway.
Maybe acting older offers a convenient excuse for never leaving our comfort zone. We don’t have to try something new that we might suck at, embark upon a new adventure even though it’s scary, or pursue a goal that we might never reach, because hey, we’re old!
For my part, I can handle being laughed at, and sucking at things. I can deal with nerve-wracking new situations. Unmet goals, unfulfilled dreams? Pffft, big deal—nobody gets everything she wants. What scares me more than any of these things is living a timid life.
Anyway, I’m afraid that if I say now that I’m too old to do something, my future 100-year-old self will want to go back in time to kick my ass. By then, she might have the technology to do it, too. I don’t want to piss her off. I’m guessing she’s pretty tough.
The truth is, as people get older, they still carry their younger selves inside them, like a bunch of matryoshka dolls—the Russian ones that nest one inside the other. There’s no reason not to let one of your former selves out to play.
Or you could decide to perform a person of a younger age that’s a person you never were, but always wanted to be.
Think of an age that seems like the right, the best age for you right now. (If you have kids in the house and this makes the age difference between you and them weird, I don’t know, pretend you’re the older sibling who’s their guardian, or something.)
Consciously be that age.
Let’s say you’re 60. How does your mood, mindset, and decision-making change, once you decide to be 40?
This can work the other way, too, obviously. If you’re only 22 and you feel clueless and inexperienced, think of yourself as 32. See if you carry yourself with more confidence.
Try it out and see if you like it. You can always switch back.
THIS.
I am sure you didn’t mean it, but comparing Caitlyn Jenner to Rachel Dolezal and to people who present themselves as a different age than they are is terribly rude to transgender people. I would encourage you to read more on the subject by transgender people and black people.
It certainly wasn’t my intention to say all of them are exactly the same, and I’m glad to have the chance to clarify that, so thank you! Several feminists critiqued Jenner’s very feminine look and some of the things she said about makeup and nail polish, which I felt was very unfair. It got me thinking about all the different ways that women, trans and cis, perform gender. As far as Rachel Dolezal is concerned, lots of people more qualified than me have written eloquently about her, and I don’t think anyone needs the opinion of a random white woman.
Because I don’t want to be misconstrued, I’m deleting the first two sentences of this piece (“In the past month or so, lots of people have been talking about Caitlyn Jenner’s lovely Vanity Fair cover and Rachel Dolezal’s presenting herself as black. This got me thinking about how we perform another aspect of identity: age.”) and replacing it with a simpler opening.
Thank you so much! I appreciate your making the change tremendously!
Like you, I also thought the critique of Jenner’s feminine look was unfair. If I’d felt unable to express my gender for most of my life, I have no doubt I would revel in things like dresses and makeup when I finally felt able to do so as well. It wouldn’t mean I was trying to present that as _the_ way to be female. Feminism shouldn’t be about criticizing each other’s choices of presentation, but rather about expanding opportunities available to us and supporting our variety.
I don’t think this should be insulting to transgender people or black people. It’s about imposed social constructs. Granted, the three issues are different but they need not be entirely the same for an apt comparison. There really is something common among all three situations—imposed social constructs—so I think this is an astute observation.
Of course, you’re right to say that some people will be offended. But some people are offended by everything.
While I agree that there are certain performative aspects to gender, race, and age, I have been reading quite a bit from transgender people about how problematic the constant mention of Caitlyn Jenner and Rachel Dolezal in the same breath has been for them. It is critically important to note the profound differences between Jenner and Dolezal if one is not to inadvertently support dangerous misconceptions about transgender people. In addition, if one is noting performative aspects of gender while mentioning a transgender person, it is absolutely critical to note that being transgender goes _far_ deeper than merely the performative aspects of gender.
Clearly Brynn Donovan, and I would imagine most of her readers, like you, understand the differences between Jenner and Dolezal, but many other people do not, and I feel strongly that it is imperative not to help perpetuate their misconceptions by mentioning the two without strong differentiation and explanation of what it means to be transgender. I’ve seen posts elsewhere from quite a number of people who think being transgender is nothing more than performative, that it is a matter of choice, when that is not the case. Transgender women and particularly transgender women of color have, I recall, the highest rate of being murdered of any other group, and the suicide rate for young transgender people is incredibly high. This is such an important issue for many more people to learn about, and for writers to be clear and in-depth about. I’m very grateful to Donovan for altering her intro; she has solidified my becoming a new fan of hers.
Oh my gosh–I mean Bryn, not Brynn. I apologize profusely for the misspelling!
Haha, no worries!
Donovan didn’t compare Jenner to Dolezal. “And” is not a comparison word. In fact, all Donovan did was say “hey, these two have been in the news a lot.” If saying that a transgender person is in the news a lot is terribly rude to transgender people (who you don’t speak for, by the way) then I’m sure just about everyone in America – including transgender people – have been very rude lately. I would encourage you to, anatu, to work on your reading comprehension skills and to stop jumping to conclusions.
I would encourage you to read more articles and posts written by transgender and black people about how much damage has been done due to the constant mention of Caitlyn Jenner and Rachel Dolezal in the same breath, as though their experiences are very similar. As I mentioned at the beginning of my original post, I do not think that this was Donovan’s intention. The issues surrounding Jenner and Dolezal need to be differentiated very, very carefully so as not to cause further harm. If one is going to talk narrowly about performative aspects of gender, race, and age while referencing these two women, it is critical also to note the profound differences between the two so as not to contribute to widespread and dangerous misconceptions. I very much appreciate Donovan’s having reworked her intro in a way that is not hurtful and dangerous to transgender people; it has certainly solidified my becoming a new fan of her thoughtful writing.
I believe that age is just a number. It’s not too late to try something new.
And I don’t want to limit the way I live. How can we enjoy our lives or live a fulfilling life?
I’ve read a research before where a brain of an old woman was compared to a brain of a 26 or 27 years old. The outcome? There was no difference.
When she was asked, what’s the secret on keeping your brain young, she said, keep learning new things.
I like this article a lot. It helps to think that you are a younger self if you think you have missed something at that age. Let me try that out. I always wish I am knew more about career development and money matters when I was younger. So I am going to try it out. Thanks Bryn.